


In which a troll with a slowly changing gender experiences drama in the pale quadrant

by Ashes2Aces



Series: In which the author just wants everyone to be happy and trans [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Feelings Jams, Fluff, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Karkat Vantas, Meteorstuck, Minor Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Minor Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket, Moving In Together, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Dave Strider, Other, POV Karkat Vantas, POV Second Person, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Panic Attacks, Pet Names, Pile scene, Purring Trolls (Homestuck), Shoosh-Papping, Trans, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2020-09-26 08:49:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20386981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashes2Aces/pseuds/Ashes2Aces
Summary: Karkat gets to know the enigma that is Dave Strider. It's not like there's anything better to do on this meteor...Or "In which the author indulges themself by projecting heavily on their favorite ship, contains pile building, multiple feelings jams, and gratuitous cuddling. Banned by her Imperious Condescension for blatant pro-mutant prpoganda and hints at future quadrantless romance but can be read as straight moirallegiance."





	1. Chapter 1

Not far into the journey on the meteor, you find your social options dwindling… not that you need your friends 24/7, you just, find yourself becoming the lowest priority of all your remaining friends. Everyone's either dead, not with you, locked in a hunger trunk, or pairing off.  
Unfortunately for your sanity, interspecies makeouts seem just around the corner with Kanaya and her flush crush. Unfortunately for your romantic aspirations, Terezi is fully engrossed in rekindling her friendship with Vriska (and possibly exploring something more, which makes you extra grumpy), and Gamzee's currently under lock and key, also courtesy of Vriska. Man you have a lot against Vriska right now. She's the only one you wish you could interact with less, even given how starved for interaction you are. Aren't. You're not lonely, you've still got… the mayor!  
Yes, the mayor! The mayor is the best thing on this meteor so far other than the sudden lack of imminent death. The only problem with hanging with the mayor all the time is the only other member of the meteor crew that you haven't yet mentioned. Dave. Also loves the mayor. He's… well, you find basically everyone annoying, so that doesn't differentiate him. He's… weird. Like, you can never tell how he's feeling other than what you refer to as his loud and quiet moods. When he's feeling loud, he vomits a constant stream of near incomprehensible words, and when he's feeling quiet, he's creepily silent. With his look stubs obscured, you can't shake the feeling that he's staring at you, even though you know it's just your paranoia. A-anyway, so far he hasn't endeared himself to you in any particular way other than being another Mayor enthusiast.  
Tonight you're adding more hives to the edge of cantown under the watchful and approving gander bulb of the mayor himself while Dave draws up plans for new development downtown. You've long tuned out Dave's rambling but you perk up when you hear the name of an actor you like, then another, and another.  
"OH HEY, I LIKE THOSE GUYS."  
"really theyre pretty shitty actors dude"  
"THEY ARE FUCKING *GIFTS* TO THE ROMANTIC COMEDY GENRE, AND YOU'LL NEVER CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE."  
"rom coms are the hill youre gonna die on laaaaaame"  
"JUST YOU WAIT TILL YOU WATCH ONE OF THE CLASSICS, I'LL BET YOU'VE NEVER WATCHED A GOOD FILM IN YOUR LIFE."  
"you are correct i have not all movies are shitty but at least some of them i can respect for their irony levels"  
You are seething with an average amount of rage at this point, and would like some alone time to cool off. You make yourself an exit.  
"YOU. ME. MOVIE NIGHT. WE'RE DOING THIS."  
As you turn on your heel and stalk off, you hear him try to get the last word.  
"where makin this hapen"  
That is not worth a response, so you continue to your respite block.

~~~

Okay, you're actually pretty excited to have a movie watching partner. You have a movie picked out that you think Dave will have to admit is good.  
"so whatre we watching"  
"A CLASSIC; IN WHICH-"  
"nevermind i don't want to hear the troll title just put it in"  
"HMPH WELL I THINK YOU'LL ENJOY IT CAUSE THIS ONE HAS ACTION IN ADDITION TO A PHENOMENAL RED ROMANCE AT THE CENTER."  
"oh man this is awesomely terrible- oh wait nevermind it's just terrible"  
"SHHHH"  
"ooh torture"  
"SHHHHHHHH"  
"i agree completely lil dude too much kissing get to the fencing old man"  
"IT'S SO ROMANTIC, A MATESPRITSHIP SO STRONG SHE LOSES ALL PASSION WITHOUT HIM, NOT EVEN ENOUGH TO FILL ANY OF HER OTHER QUADRANTS!"

"humperdinck is a great name im gonna name my next mix after him"

"i love him little short shouty man... reminds me of someone"  
"HEY!"

"pff amateur"  
"SHUT UP"

"this swordplay is so staged oh my gog"  
"AAHH LOOK AT THIS BUDDING KISMESSITUDE, INIGO AND WESLEY ARE SO PERFECT TOGETHER!"

"oh my gog shorty is such a hack"

"wasnt that stuff odorless continuity error"  
"IT'S A JOKE ABOUT HIS AMAZING TRACKING SKILLS!"

"what the fuck is happening why is it romantic again"  
"THAT'S THE BEST PART!"  
"oh my gog yes lil dude tell him lil mans the best character right there"

"fuck is that thing"  
"AN RLOUS"  
"a what"  
"A RODENT LUSUS OF UNUSUAL SIZE"  
"it looks like a troll in a suit"  
"WELL IT'S REAL. I'VE SEEN ONE BEFORE."

"kinky dom bitch this six fingered man"  
"OKAY THAT ONE'S TRUE."

"THIS IS WHERE YOU REALIZE FEZZIK AND INIGO ARE IN DIAMONDS TOGETHER!"

"OH MY GOG I LOVE MIRACLE MAX'S KISMESIS!"

"ahhhhh the priests fucking voice i cant get over it"

"oh man that ending was so cheesy gross"  
"I THINK YOU ENJOYED THAT. YOU WERE QUIET FOR A SIGNIFICANT PERCENTAGE OF THE MOVIE, SO I'M COUNTING THAT AS A WIN, WE'RE DOING THIS AGAIN SOMETIME."  
"i guess i mean its not like theres anything better to do"  
Movie nights become a regular thing for the two of you. You love it. As much as he complains, he still comes and stays, which you are definitely going to interpret as him secretly also loving it.

~~~

You are spending some quality time with Dave in the communal rumpusblock- by quality time you mean ignoring each other in favor of devices- when Rose walks in with orange blade levers and points them at the two of you.  
“I have noticed a general trend toward shagginess in the meteor’s population and would like to rectify it.”  
Dave has stopped typing and might be staring at Rose, but you can’t really tell. You notice that Rose’s hair has returned to its original length and that your hair is possibly more unruly than you prefer. You don’t really want to start looking like Gamzee. Dave does have a bit of shagginess going on; the long part of his hair goes a bit farther down the back of his head and the previously close cropped hair in the back has crept down his neck. There seems to be some sort of silent faceoff going on between the two humans, but you decide to just break the silence yourself.  
"TAKING BLADE LEVERS TO MY HAIR SOUNDS LIKE A FANTASTIC IDEA RIGHT NOW, I'M IN."  
Rose's eyes flick to you and her lips tilt up slightly in a smirk.  
"Kanaya and I have prepared an impromptu barber shop in one of the unused rooms in our hallway, so if you'll follow me…"  
Her eyes move back to Dave one last time before she glides out of the block.

Rose takes you to a block with a circular respite throne and a reflection tablet.  
"If you would just sit down on this stool and face the mirror, I will be right back with more water."  
Ugh, alien terminology matching up with highblood terminology will not cease to make you cringe, you swear. Rose even has violet gander bulbs. She returns with Kanaya and what you think she's gonna refer to as a "spray bottle".  
"I am in command of the spray bottle, however Kanaya is the resident hair stylist, therefore she shall be wielding the scissors."  
"I Will Do My Best Now What Sort Of Shortening Would You Like? I Can Simply Do An Even Shortening To Return Your Hair To The Length It Was During The Game Or You Could Request Something Different"  
"I DON'T REALLY CARE WHAT YOU DO, USUALLY THIS IS SOMETHING I DO MYSELF. MY HAIR IS PRETTY FUCKING UNMANAGEABLE ALL THE TIME SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD SHORTEN IT A LOT BUT I WANT TO STILL HAVE HAIR."  
"That Is A Satisfactory Amount Of Information For Me To Proceed I Believe Rose If You Would..."  
Rose drapes a snuggleplane over you and sprays your hair with so much water that some of it starts to drip down your neck. Kanaya then combs your hair with a very blunt, blunt teeth device, which you appreciate cause it makes it feel less like pale infidelity. Although… Gamzee's been locked in the hunger trunk for so long and you don't really want to release him… it's very probable the romance is dead between you. You’re pretty sure it’s dead on your end, at least, though if you were in his situation you wouldn't feel very pale still.  
"The traditional secondary activity of this setting on Earth is gossip, so if you would like to partake in my human traditions this once, I am more than willing to spill some tea… which is, by the way, a euphemism for gossip."  
"I ENJOY GOSSIP… BUT I DOUBT I KNOW ANYTHING YOU TWO DON'T, NOTHING NEW HAS REALLY HAPPENED ON THIS METEOR."  
"Au contraire, I see you've been spending lots of quality time with my dearest brother unlike myself, and I'm sure we have some Intel you haven't yet heard."  
"I WASN'T QUESTIONING THAT, YOU TWO STICK YOUR NOSES INTO TOO MANY AFFAIRS THAT ARE NOT YOUR BUSINESS, ESPECIALLY YOU, ROSE."  
"Moi? But I have been keeping quite out of people's business as of late, in my opinion."  
"I WAS REFERRING TO WHAT I SAW DURING THE GAME, YOU'RE FINE NOW I GUESS."  
"I Was Going To Object I Am Going To Use The Blade Levers Now"  
She starts shortening the hair on the back of your head. It feels like she's cutting it quite a bit shorter than it was before. You decide to trust her, it's not like you really care that much.  
"Anyway, recently I observed some of what Vriska and Terezi have been up to. They were all dressed up as their roleplaying characters and they had Gamzee out of the fridge!"  
"Rose, This May Be A Sensitive Subject For-"  
"YEAH NO, I'M FINE, THAT ROMANCE IS DEAD BY NOW."  
"I apologize nevertheless for not considering your feelings before dropping that on you. So, what I saw was Gamzee acting what I believe would be the role of a slave in their roleplay, fanning Vriska. I can't help but wonder whether her mind control powers were involved."  
"EH, MAYBE, BUT IF SHE GOT AHOLD OF SOME SOPOR IT'S TOTALLY IN CHARACTER. HE'S A PRETTY CHILL GUY WHEN HE'S DESTROYING HIS THINKPAN. WAS HE SAYING ANYTHING?"  
"No, he was completely silent while I was watching. He looked… shook."  
"Perhaps He Felt… Threatened?"  
"Ooh, I love your murderous face."  
"PLEASE NO INTERSPECIES MAKEOUTS WHILE I'M IN THE ROOM!"  
Rose has the decency to look embarrassed. Man, it's weird seeing the humans have your blood color.  
"I-I um, ahem, that wasn't flirting."  
Wow. They're not actually together yet? You really don't want to get involved, but wow.  
"I DON'T REALLY CARE. ANYWAYS, SO, GAMZEE'S NOT CONFINED TO THE FRIDGE ALL THE TIME, INSTEAD HE'S BEING COERCED INTO GETTING INVOLVED IN VRISKA AND TEREZI'S RIDICULOUS GAMES. HONESTLY I'M NOT SURPRISED, SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING VRISKA WOULD DO."  
"Well I Think That As Long As He Is Paying For What He's Done And Not Being Let Off The Hook This Is An Acceptable Turn Of Events"  
You all lapse into silence for a moment, lulled by the rhythmic snipping of your hair in Kanaya's hands.  
"With Your Permission I Would Like To Address The Area Around Your Horns"  
"GO FOR IT. THEY'RE NOT REALLY BIG OR SHARP ENOUGH FOR IT TO BE AWKWARD."  
This activity is getting quite pale, but hey, Kanaya's the type to get a little pale with everybody without it being weird. You think it has something to do with her close connection with a mothergrub. Anyway, you feel quite relaxed, enough to barely even register Rose's words.  
"I have been unfortunate enough to not be spending much time checking up on my dearest brother, however I have noticed that you spend a large amount of both your days together in some fashion. In short, I'm wondering if you could tell me how he's doing."  
"MMMMMMWELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I'M EXACTLY QUALIFIED TO REPORT ON HIS STATE SEEING AS I HAVEN'T KNOWN HIM VERY LONG… OR VERY WELL."  
"That is disheartening, it seemed to me that you two were bonding quickly."  
"EH, I GUESS WE GET ALONG, BUT HE MOSTLY JUST REFERENCES LOTS OF HUMAN THINGS AND THEN I TUNE HIM OUT."  
"Truly A Wall Of Text To Rival Your Own"  
"WHAT WAS THAT?"  
She giggles.  
"Oh Nothing"  
"ARE YOU COMPARING HIS INCOMPREHENSIBLE MUMBLINGS WITH MY FULLY JUSTIFIABLY LONG RANTS ABOUT PEOPLE'S FUCKING STUPIDITY AND USELESSNESS, INCLUDING THAT OF MY OWN BLATANTLY INCOMPETENT PAST AND FUTURE SELVES?"  
"I believe she is."  
More giggling, this time from both girls. You roll your eyes.  
"ARE YOU DONE YET, I THINK I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS MOCKERY ALREADY."  
"I Am Just About Finished Yes"  
She pulls away a minute later and you take a moment to look in the reflection tablet and run your fingers through it a few times.  
"HMPH, IT LOOKS NICE, THANKS."  
You see her reflection smile, then you walk out of the block and return to your respite block. When you get there, Rose decides she needs to troll you despite you having just left her presence. 

[tentacleTherapist started pestering carcinoGeneticist]  
TT: Do you know where Dave went?  
TT: I was going to make him get a haircut as well, however he seems to have disappeared.  
CG: NO IDEA.  
[carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling tentacleTherapist]

~~~

"AND SHE JUST MAKES ME FEEL SO USELESS, LIKE, AM I EVEN WORTH ANYTHING IN THIS PLAN SHE'S SUPPOSEDLY WORKING ON? I THINK-"  
"sup"  
You let out an unholy screech and you can feel the heat rising to your face.  
"OH MY GOG DAVE HOW LONG WERE YOU LISTENING?"  
"i only just got here dont get your panties in a twist"  
"THIS WAS A PRIVATE FEELINGS JAM AND I FEEL VIOLATED."  
"hes good at that though"  
"MAKING ME FEEL VIOLATED? I DON'T-"  
"no no i meant to talk to about shit, the mayor's so good at listening…"  
"... SO BASICALLY YOU'RE SAYING WE'RE BOTH USING THE MAYOR AS A STANDIN FOR A MOIRAIL. DO I NEED TO CHART OUT OUR TIME WITH HIM?"  
"no dude thats weird, its worked out pretty well so far dont mess with perfection"  
"I WOULDN'T CALL YOU BEING ABLE TO WALK IN HERE AND OVERHEAR SUCH A PRIVATE CONVERSATION AND THEN INTERRUPT ME AT ANY TIME *PERFECT*. WE SHOULD HAVE A SIGNAL."  
"what like a sock on the door"  
"YES, PERFECT! SOCKS ARE UTTERLY DISGUSTING AND WILL DISCOURAGE EVEN PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS FROM ENTERING."  
"oh my gog"  
"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? … YOU KNOW WHAT, NEVERMIND, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT WEIRD HUMAN *IRONY* I'VE TRIPPED OVER."

~~~

You make your way over to cantown, intending to get in some quality time with the Mayor and probably also Dave. Definitely also Dave, seeing as he's here.  
"sup kitkat my man"  
"EHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"  
You cringe internally, probably also externally. So that's how it is now. Thanks, gender, you're a real pal! Not.  
"OKAY, TIME FOR NEUTRAL PRONOUNS, FUCKWAD."  
"whats a neutral pronouns dude? hey mayor do you know what hes talking about?"  
"DO HUMANS NOT UNDERSTAND THE UNIVERSAL CODE FOR 'DON'T ASSOCIATE ME WITH A BINARY GENDER UNTIL I TELL YOU OTHERWISE'!?!? THAT'S SUCH BASIC FUCKING COURTESY YOU MUST NOT HAVE EVEN BEEN SCHOOLFED A DAY IN YOUR LIFE OH MY GOG!!! I'M HAVING AN INDEFINITE BREAK FROM BEING A FUCKING MAN, OK, AND IF YOU WERE ANY OF MY OTHER FRIENDS AND NOT A BULGEMUNCHING HUMAN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE SET OFF ON A HUGE ASS RANT ABOUT HOW MUCH I FUCKING HATE BEING MISGENDERED BECAUSE I'VE BEEN BLESSED WITH A THINKPAN THAT GETS FUCKING WORKED UP OVER IT!"  
You feel a pap on your cheek and deflate rather quickly.  
"THANKS, MAYOR."  
Dave has lapsed into a stupefied silence. Great, either you scared him with your yelling (unlikely given how often you yell), or humans are genuinely even more backwards than you were already aware. You find yourself inexplicably reminded of when John rejected you for the ridiculous reason of having gender play a role in who he was capable of being attracted to. You sigh.  
"I'M SENSING THAT HUMANS SOMEHOW LACK NUANCED GENDERS. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR SOCIETY IS DEFINITELY THE BACKWARDS ONE HERE."  
"no… i-i think… humans do have gender shit, its just… bad, like, the butt of jokes and like, not cool but… it exists. i think rose knows more about this stuff than me but yeah"  
"...CAN YOU FOLLOW MY VERY SIMPLE REQUEST THEN?"  
"... i dont know how"  
"IF IT'S THAT HARD FOR YOU, THEN I'D RATHER YOU GO LEARN WHATEVER ROSE KNOWS MORE THAN YOU ABOUT AND MAYBE ALSO KANAYA BECAUSE I AM NOT IN THE FUCKING MOOD TO DEAL WITH SCHOOLFEEDING YOU. I'M SURE SHE'D BE DELIGHTED."  
Dave leaves rather reluctantly, and you get to have a feelings jam with the Mayor. Perfect.

~~~ [Click here for Dave being schoolfed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23290426/chapters/55779550) ~~~

The next time you see Dave is two nights later when you're finally back in cantown without putting a sock on the door.  
"heeey karkat my bean glad to see you again you ready for our next moivie night?"  
“ARE YOU GOING TO FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE CLIMAX AGAIN?”  
“lol climax”  
“YOUR MATURITY ASTOUNDS ME, TRULY YOU ARE THE PINNACLE OF HUMAN COMEDY.”  
“nah imma stay awake just to make you uncomfy when it inevitably gets steamy holy hell it is hilarious how awkward you get like were you not aware that were watching almost exclusively trashy romance movies because thats all youve got on hand do you discover this fact anew every time you realise that im in your personal space waggling my eyebrows suggestively while onscreen trolls are making out or fondling each others horns”  
“SHUT UP, OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT I’M GETTING INTO. YOU’RE THE ONE MAKING IT WEIRD WITH YOUR *WAGGLING*.”  
"suuure karkles"  
"THE NICKNAMES KEEP GETTING WORSE."  
"aww karkitty, krabkat, kitkat, my favorite crabby kitten, how could you wound me so! these nicknames are a gesture of my love!"  
Oh gog, he's so dramatic. This is starting to feel like he's hitting on you but you know he'll claim it was ironic if you say anything. You also know that the tips of your ears might be turning red, and that makes you really anxious.  
"OH MY GOG, YOU ARE SUCH A WIGGLER. I'M GOING TO GO BUILD MORE HIVESTEMS."

~~~

You need to eat. That of course means that you have to brave the communal meal block and probably socialize. Dave's coming with you, saying he needs to stock up when you announced your intention to eat.  
When you get there, you see Terezi, which means Vriska is probably nearby.  
"H3YYY COOLK1D!"  
"sup terezi"  
"1'M SORRY 1'V3 B33N TOO BUSY L4T3LY TO H3LP RUN C4NTOWN, 1 HOP3 TH3 L3G4L SYST3M 1SN'T TOO B4CKLOGG3D."  
"nah bro the citizens have been mad well behaved what with karkats yelling and the fact that no one would ever dare disappoint the mayor"  
"1 TH1NK YOU JUST DON'T UND3RST4ND MY V1T4L ROL3 1N K33P1NG TH3 C1T1Z3NRY 1N L1N3. 1 B3T CR1M3 H4S GON3 R4MP4NT 1N MY 4BS3NS3."  
Meanwhile, you found some unclaimed grubloaf and, after a bit of searching, a knife to cut it with.  
"H3Y, WH3R3 4R3 YOU GO1NG?"  
You turn around to see that Dave is gone.  
"HUH. THAT'S WEIRD, I THOUGHT HE NEEDED SOMETHING TO EAT."  
"Y34H, W31RD."  
"Heeeeeeeey what's happening over here?"  
"BYE."  
You abscond with two slices of grubloaf. A successful run, in your opinion, but you can't help but ponder why Dave left so suddenly.

~~~

One of the benefits of cantown for Dave is that the cans are filled with Earth food. Apparently the only reason he ever goes to the meal block is because he *needs* his orange triangles and Rose won't give him the code. You think everything he eats looks disgusting, but then again, he thinks the same of your meals.  
"WHAT EVEN ARE BEANS ANYWAY?"  
"beans beans the magical fruit the more you eat the more you toot"  
"WHAT."  
"they make you fart and theyre healthy i think despite being delicious"  
"WHY ON ALTERNIA ARE YOU SAYING THEY MAKE YOU GASEOUS LIKE IT'S A GOOD THING? THAT'S DISGUSTING, YOU'RE DISGUSTING!!"  
"yeah but guys are supposed to be gross, if i was a girl people would be scandalized if i farted but instead im supposed to fart and cackle gleefully about it cause im a guy like what up homie how much of a bro are you? oh you know, pbbbbbt, that much of a bro oh really well I'm pbbbbffffbbbbbbt that much of a bro so ha"  
"THAT IS PROBABLY THE LEAST ATTRACTIVE THING YOU'VE TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR HUMAN GENDER AND NOW I'M GLAD JOHN WOULDN'T PURSUE A QUADRANT WITH ME CAUSE FUCK THAT'S DISGUSTING."  
Suddenly there is a can flying toward you.  
"fuck you bean"  
It hits you in the face, lid first. Ow.  
"OW, FUCK!!!"  
"oh fuck"  
Dave is flipping his shit in a way that would be pitif-funny if you weren't so concerned about your own state. It stings… almost like… You bring a hand up to feel the wound. It's shaking. Your face is wet. Your prongs have candy red on them. You take an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle. 

You can't breathe. You vaguely register Dave babbling apologies to you but it fades out of your awareness. You can't stop staring at your blood and it's the only thing you can see. You're going to be culled any second now. All your friends hate you, you're nothing but whiny, useless, mutant cullbait and it's a joke that you've lived this long. Your blood is bright red. Someone's going to see and then you'll be dead.

Someone is telling you to breathe. You want to tell them you can't but they keep telling you and rubbing your posture pole and someone is papping you and wiping the blood away with cloth that's almost the same color and you might be crying but you're taking ragged breaths and clinging to the Mayor as he paps you alive again and Dave counts out your breathing with slow circles on your back and his own shaky breath.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things heat up... In a very pale way.

"hey kitkat i made a song for the mayor wanna listen with him?"  
"SURE, I'M ALWAYS UP TO HEAR YOUR GOGAWFUL *SICK BEATS*."  
"dont you dare pretend you think my music is bad."  
"THE MUSIC YOU LISTEN TO IS BAD."  
"im going to pretend i didnt hear that."  
He closes the discussion by holding the second hearbud up to your hear duct. You put it in and Dave presses play on his device. The Mayor, who has the other hearbud, lights up immediately as you hear a very digitized version of… Dave's? voice saying "mayor" making up the melody. It's a very weird song but… you like it. You especially love the way the Mayor is bouncing and waving his arms in obvious glee, and it's obvious Dave does as well if the tiny, genuine smile on his face is any indication. You can't actually see his eyes, but there's a softness to his face that you can extrapolate to visualize the diamonds in his eyes as he gazes lovingly at the Mayor, which is what you were just doing as well. Fuck, you want someone to look at you that way. The Mayor is awesome, but he obviously is only platonically comforting you and you feel a little off about the one sidedness of your feelings jams. Fuck, the Mayor is seriously the best person ever, listening to two people's problems all day and only being more happy in return?  
"hey karkitty whatjou think?"  
"HMM? THE MAYOR IS SERIOUSLY ADORABLE AND I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW FUCKING LUCKY WE ARE TO HAVE HIM."  
"i mean same but howd you like the song?"  
You want to tell him it was annoying, but you're not really in the mood. You suddenly notice that you've been purring and you don't know when exactly that started. Oops. You accidently mused your way into being full on blissed out on diamonds. You should feel embarrassed to be in this state in front of Dave, but you don't really. He doesn't even know what this means. You close your eyes, a sleepy smile on your face as you cuddle up to the Mayor, who is hugging Dave, and purr louder.  
"I FUCKING LOVE THE MAYOR."  
"oh, wow, i mean, me too"  
If you had bothered to open your eyes just then, you would have seen a most spectacular blush creep up Dave's head and neck, but you were too blissed out to move.

~~~

Several days later, Dave has another song he wants you to listen to. You don't insult him this time though because something in his face makes you think you shouldn't. Maybe you have been spending too much time with him if you can actually interpret his different shades of stoic.  
"i had some ideas for your theme song and i wanted some feedback from the bean themself"  
"THEME SONG?"  
"yeah like a mix that would play whenever you walk into a room in a movie or whatever ive got some sick beats dedicated to the mayor already you need some too"  
"OH."  
Your pump biscuit is reading a little too much into this gesture in your opinion. He probably does this for everyone, makes personalized music inspired by his friends. Music is his passion. Okay that doesn't make this feel less special damnit! Calm down! He hands you a hearbud and brings up a list of short tracks.  
"now heres a few ideas ive come up with so far i wanted to see your reaction to them"  
The first one is very fast and synthetic sounding, which mostly just makes you think of his usual fare, but then the next ones are different repeatable melodies on a small variety of instruments.  
"hmm based on detailed analysis of your facial expressions i think i know which ones to use"  
The music cuts out and you twitch as you realize he was staring at you the entire time.  
"CREEP… DON'T STARE AT ME LIKE THAT!"  
"pfft here you can keep listening as i work these together"  
He starts expertly fiddling with buttons and dials and you listen as he plays around with layering several of the melodies on top of each other or fading between them and messing with the percussion. The song being shaped is almost like a work of art on its own cause you feel like you're listening to his thought process as he tries to create a song that captures you. Oh shit, your thoughts are getting poetic again, abort abort! It's too late, you feel a low rumbling starting in your thorax and you notice Dave's lips twitch upward as it becomes audible to him.  
"i must be getting close then karkitty huh"  
You mash your face into the table and cover it with your arms.  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP."  
He just hums with the slightest of unironic smiles on his lips that you see as you peek one eye out from your arms. You close your eyes and smile in your little hideaway as you decide to just surrender to your own enjoyment of this music that really does feel like you and not just Dave.

~~~

One movie night, Dave, who had gone from sitting as far away from you as possible to lounging at a respectable distance over time, flops across the entire loungeplank with his strut pods squarely on your fronds. You squeak, startled.  
"EW, GET THOSE AWAY FROM ME! I BET YOU HAVEN'T WASHED THOSE IN A PERIGEE NOOKWHIFF!"  
"nah bean i showered like two days ago and honestly i have no idea how theyd get smelly considering i dont wear shoes or generally touch the ground anymore"  
"WELL I STILL DON'T WANT YOUR STRUT PODS ON MY FRONDS SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND SOME OTHER WAY TO LAY ACROSS THE ENTIRE FUCKING LOUNGEPLANK!"  
"kay"  
He removes his strut pods from your fronds and spins around to hang them over the side, causing his pan to now be placed in your lap. You feel your face warm up.  
"this good bean?"  
"UH, SURE, UM, I'LL JUST PRESS PLAY I GUESS."  
You can feel the vibrations of his vocal chords whenever he talks over the movie until finally you don't since he fell asleep. Normally both of these actions would annoy you, but under the circumstances you find yourself purring. You'll blame it on the spectacularly portrayed moirallegiance in the movie though. That's definitely the reason, no hopeless interspecies crushing going on here! Oh who're you kidding.

~~~

Once again, you find yourself going on about what Dave's done recently in your stand-in feelings jam with the Mayor. You've suspected for a while that he doesn't understand Alternian but is just providing comfort based on your outward signs of agitation or despair. You… would prefer to do this with Dave instead. That's kinda the problem here.  
"AND THEN HE JUST KEEPS CALLING ME BEAN FOR NO APPARENT REASON, WHICH, IF I'M BEING HONEST, IS PRETTY FUCKING ADORABLE EVEN IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!!! DID I TELL YOU THAT HE FELL ASLEEP ON ME YESTERNIGHT, LIKE, ON MY LAP!?! HE KINDA DROOLED ON MY PANTS BUT I DIDN'T EVEN CARE BECAUSE OF MY STUPIDLY HUGE PALECRUSH ON HIM, IT'S HONESTLY RIDICULOUS! I NEED TO LIKE, TELL HIM, BUT I'M SO SCARED THAT HE'S GONNA REJECT ME. OKAY LOOK, I'M AFRAID THAT HE'S EITHER GOING TO BE CHILL WITH IT, BUT IT'LL BE BECAUSE HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S A TYPE OF ROMANCE OR HE'S GONNA KNOW IT'S ROMANCE AND THEN REJECT ME BECAUSE OF STUPID HUMAN GENDER REASONS WHICH WOULD SUCK SO HARD SEEING AS I'M NOT EVEN CURRENTLY MALE BUT WHAT IF HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND THAT HE'S JUST… HUMORING ME? WHAT IF HE STILL THINKS OF ME AS A *BRO* IN HIS HEAD BECAUSE THAT'S HOW HE GOT TO KNOW ME? I'M REALLY SCARED TO ASK HIM OUT GIVEN WHAT I KNOW FROM HIM AND JOHN ABOUT HUMAN GENDER HANGUPS. FUCK. I THINK I FEEL WORSE THAN WHEN I STARTED THIS… THIS ISN'T A REAL MOIRALLEGIANCE AT ALL, IS IT. I JUST REALLY FUCKING WANT *DAVE* AS A MOIRAIL, NEVERMIND ANY OTHER FEELINGS. I SHOULD… I SHOULD ASK HIM."

[carcinoGeneticist started trolling turntechGodhead]  
CG: HEY DAVE, WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?  
TG: im in my room spinning some sick new beats  
CG: CAN I COME TALK TO YOU?  
TG: yo whats this about bean   
TG: this about that massive puddle on your pants cause i thought we agreed that was somehow your fault  
CG: NO I JUST HAVE A QUESTION THAT I WANT TO ASK YOU IN PERSON.  
TG: that sounds ominous too  
TG: well like i said nothing too important going on in here just fucking around on my turntables  
TG: feel free to waltz on in like you own the place  
[carcinoGeneticist is now an idle chum]  
TG: except its my room that you own now  
TG: and by extension me because im in it  
TG: uh  
TG: i actually dont know where that one was going this time  
TG: i assume you are coming to my room as i speak here to an idle chum  
TG: and that idle chum is you because you cant be assed to text while you walk  
[turntechGodhead ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist]

"HI DAVE, I HEARD QUITE A FEW ALERTS IN THE HALF A MINUTE IT TOOK ME TO GET HERE EVEN THOUGH YOU KNEW I WAS COMING."  
"good morning to you too"  
You sigh and bring a hand to your temple.  
"YOU'RE LUCKY MY THINKPAN HAS RECLASSIFIED THIS BEHAVIOR AS CUTE…"  
"wait what"  
"OKAY, SO, WHAT I WANTED TO ASK YOU. I WANT YOU TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH ME FOR THE SAKE OF MY BLOOD PUSHER, OK? OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW HOW WE'VE BEEN USING THE MAYOR TO LET OUT OUR TROUBLES KINDA LIKE A SUBSTITUTE FOR A MOIRAIL? ALSO, ARE YOU CLEAR ON WHAT A MOIRAIL IS?"  
"yeah... its the feelings jams and hornrubs quarter"  
"IT'S PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT QUADRANT OF TROLL ROMANCE, ALTHOUGH IT IS HARD TO SAY ONE IS REALLY MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE OTHERS… ANYWAY YEAH, CONCILIATORY PITY ROMANCE. WOULD YOU...UM… SOOO I KINDA REALLY WOULD LIKE TO TRY… US. I'M INTERESTED IN A MOIRALLEGIANCE. WITH YOU. IF YOU'RE INTO THAT. I LIKE YOU PALE."  
"..."  
Aaaaaaaaah!! He isn't answering? You aren't really looking at his face for clues because you are too busy staring intently at your own fidgeting prongs. The silence stretches on for what seems like hours.  
"well im not… too good with like, emotions buuuuut i mean i can try i guess"  
Aaaaaaaaah!!!  
"for you"  
That's it. You have been culled by a diamond fairy's arrow straight through your pump biscuit. Or maybe your own stress levels about asking.  
"FUCK!"  
You really want to hug him.   
"CAN I HUG YOU?"  
"uh sure bean, but why are you crying?"  
Oh. Whoops. You get down in front of his spinning throne in order to bury your face in his shirt.  
"I WAS JUST, REALLY FUCKING CONVINCED THAT YOU WERE GOING TO REJECT ME OR EVEN SHIT ON MY GENDER IDENTITY CAUSE HUMANS HAVE DIFFERENT IDEAS ABOUT THAT STUFF…"  
"nah i changed my default phrases for you im not gonna turn around and take that support back thats stupid"  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN DEFAULT PHRASES?"  
"oh well I kinda say dude man and bro as filler even if im talking to like rose or whatever but you like, flinched when i did it with you so ive just replaced all of them with bean when im talking with you"  
"OH."   
"kinda like human bein' but instead itd be troll bein' its just you know bean"  
"THAT'S… REALLY SWEET… I ALREADY THOUGHT IT SOUNDED CUTE BUT, THANKS."  
"aww karkles said thank you so polite"  
"YOU'RE RUINING THE MOOD, FUCKASS."  
"lol"  
"STOP SAYING THAT OUT LOUD, IT'S EMBARRASSING!"  
"and yet you continue to hug me"  
"YEAH WELL, I LIKE YOU DESPITE HOW ANNOYING YOU ARE."  
You look up from where you were smooshing your face and see a rare Strider smile. You know from how your cheeks hurt that, despite what you said about the mood, he's being treated to an even rarer Vantas grin.  
"shit youre kinda adorable"  
"NO YOU. YOU ARE ADORABLE."  
"aw shit what?"  
He tries to cover his face with his hands even though his shades already cover half of it. You poke at the exposed bits of his cheeks.  
"I'M GOING TO TRY TO MAKE YOU SMILE MORE FROM NOW ON FOR THE GOOD OF THE UNIVERSE."  
"oooooh nooooooo!"  
You lapse into a contented silence but become aware of how much your knees hurt in this position.  
"MY KNEES HURT."  
"thats what she said"  
"WHAT."  
He moves to get up and you detach reluctantly. Then he falls onto his concupiscent platform so that his fronds are dangling off the side and pats the space next to him.  
"DAVE!"  
"what"  
"THAT'S A CONCUPISCENT PLATFORM!"  
"no its a bed"  
"BUT IT'S FOR…"  
"i spend a significant amount of my time lying on it doing nothing so i thought we could lie on it doing nothing together cause its more comfortable than the floor"  
You reluctantly sit next to him on the… bed.  
"sooooooo im curious what else there is to being moirails other than what ive seen in your movies"  
"W-WELL THE MOVIES SHOW A LOT BUT YEAH SOME STUFF THEY KINDA FADE TO BLACK ON…"  
"shit like what"  
"WELL FEELINGS JAMS ARE PRETTY PRIVATE AFFAIRS, SO THEY MOSTLY JUST ALLUDE TO THEM, AND THEY SHOW COMPLETED PILES BUT RARELY ANY OF THE BUILDING PROCESS… THOUGH THAT ONE MIGHT JUST BE FOR PACING REASONS CAUSE IT CAN TAKE A WHILE. OTHER THAN THAT, IT'S STUFF THEY LIKE TO SHOW LIKE CUDDLING I GUESS. REALLY IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO HELPING EACH OTHER BE THE BEST VERSION OF THEMSELVES AND WANTING TO SEE THEM OVERCOME THEIR PROBLEMS AND SHINE."  
"mmm yeah that sounds nice"  
"DO YOU HAVE ANY BOUNDARIES FOR ME TO BE AWARE OF BEFORE I THROW MYSELF AT YOU?"  
"not from what youve described so far… actually yeah can we keep away from pda for now"  
"PDA…?"  
"public displays of affection they make me uncomfortable when i see other people being sappy in public and i bet that goes both ways also i dont want Rose to stick her nose in our business"  
"THAT WORKS. I'M NOT ECSTATIC ABOUT ANY OF THAT EITHER- HEY WHAT?!!!"  
Dave is touching your horns curiously. Your moirail is touching your horns. You shiver when he touches the base, which causes him to rub the base more. You can feel yourself vibrating with purrs you can't suppress, and they make your voice crackly.  
"ASK… NEXT TIME… ASSHOLE."  
"oh… sorry"  
He scoots closer to you and you roll over to smoosh your face into his shirt once again. Your hand which isn't stuck under you finds his hair and runs through the long, soft strands in time with the rise and fall of your purring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://archiveofourown.org/works/23290426/chapters/55779616#workskin ~~~ if vou want Dave's POV for getting asked out ^v^


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adorable palemance and some coming out!

Fuck your life. This is the last thing you expected to see on the door to cantown. The sock hangs there limp, taunting you. It looks slightly chewed on. You find yourself questioning whether Dave becoming your moirail was just a particularly vivid nightdream. Why else would he have a feelings jam with the Mayor and not you the next day?  
"whatcha doing standing there… oh"  
"DAVE!? BUT THEN WHO'S?"  
Dave slings an arm around your shoulders and whispers to you conspiratorially.  
"hey bean have you told anyone about our old sock arrangement"  
"NO."  
"then i think we should leave because that sock is either a weird prank or a human doing unspeakable things in cantown of all places"  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"  
"i never told you what a sock on a door means to humans did i ok so its a signal to not go in a room because someones dick is out well no dicks in this case but there is a small chance that Rose is fucking Kanaya in there and holy fuck am i not taking that chance lets go"  
"EUGH!"  
You allow yourself to be dragged away from the site of the possible crime.  
"WAIT, WHERE'S THE MAYOR?"  
"okay so its super likely to just be someone messing with us and the mayor is alone in there but like i said not taking any chances cause that is something you cant unsee anyway lets go see if we can find the alleged culprits somewhere else to ease our minds"  
You pass by the alchemiter on the way to the communal rumpus and meal blocks. You see the mayor atop a large pile of green chalk.  
"WAS THAT THE MAYOR? FUCK."  
"and Terezi they were having a chalk party and i agree fuck"  
You make it to the rumpus block. Inside, you see Rose.  
"hallelujah brother"  
"I am your sister."  
"yeah i know but that doesnt roll off the tongue as well"  
"May I ask why you are praising the heavens at my presence?"  
"someone put a sock on cantowns door and I was hoping it wasnt you and Kanaya doing the do"  
Rose's eyebrows raise.  
"There is often a sock on cantown's door. Why would you come to that conclusion this time?"  
"yeah but all those other times are me or Karkat"  
Rose's eyebrows raise even further.  
"dammit no me and Karkat use a sock for when one *or* the other of us is having a private chat with the Mayor"  
"I pray that is not innuendo!"  
"fuck no"  
"FUCK NO!"  
"jinx you owe me a soda"  
Rose's eyebrows lower back to a respectable position on her forehead.  
"Well, that is certainly an unorthodox use for that signal."  
"eh i thought it was hilariously ironic at the time and kk had no idea what it meant so i just decided to roll with it with the plan that id reveal it to them whenever it was most awkward but then i forgot"  
"Hmm. Pardon the subject change, but I would like to inquire once again about your hair. It has gotten quite long, and at this point I am almost certain this must be something you want, however I would like to offer you a haircut once again. It is really quite an odd shape and my fingers itch to neaten it up."  
She makes a grabby gesture towards Dave's head.  
"nah bro"  
"... Well then, Karkat, would you like a trim again?"  
"EHHH, NAH."  
"hey Karkrab lets ditch this joint now that our fearsve been debunked"  
You start walking back with Dave.  
"K."  
"kk"  
"YOU KNOW, THAT NICKNAME IS THE ONE SOLLUX USED FOR ME. IT REMINDS ME OF HIM WHEN YOU USE IT."  
"oh shit is he one of your dead friends should I stop?"  
"YOU'RE HALF RIGHT, SHE'S HALF DEAD. NAH, HE WAS ONE OF THE TWO TROLLS THAT WE LEFT BEHIND AT THE GREEN SUN. SHE AND ARADIA GAVE THE METEOR ITS MOMENTUM, REMEMBER?"  
"oh that… troll, um im confused about pronouns what"  
"OH WELL SOLLUX IS BIGENDER AND PREFERS THAT WE ALTERNATE. HE HAS SUCH A HUGE DUALITY SCHTICK GOING, BUT THIS IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT MAKES ME THINK IT ISN'T ENTIRELY UNDER HER CONTROL."  
"bigender huh yknow ive been thinking-"  
"H3Y LOS3RS!"  
Terezi suddenly bounces out into the hallway with a mouth full of red chalk. Dave's face goes blank. You hadn't really noticed that he was emoting until he stopped.  
"1 W4S JUST T34CH1NG TH3 M4YOR HOW TO 4LC3M1Z3 H1S F4VOR1T3 COLOR OF CH4LK."  
"sup lil dude"  
"1 4M NOT 4 DUD3, D4V3, W3'V3 B33N OV3R TH1S."  
"calm your tits i was greeting the Mayor"  
Sure enough, the Mayor appears from behind Terezi with arms full of green chalk and lookstubs full of pure joy. The sight fills your bloodpusher and you smile back at him.  
"OH MY GOG TH1S D14MOND TR14NGL3 1S 3MB4R4SS1NG TO W1TN3SS."  
"IT'S NOT A DIAMOND TRIANGLE IF WE'RE ALL TOGETHER AND AGREE TO IT."  
"TH4T'S NOT- WH4T?"  
"HERE, LET ME CARRY THAT FOR YOU."  
You captchalog the pile of green chalk and take the mayor's hand.  
"yo i have a hilarious idea take my hand"  
Dave takes both you and the mayor's hand from behind, which is going to make it difficult to walk- oh. He's flying upside-down. Making a very lopsided diamond with all your arms. That's cute.  
"DAVE, DO YOU EVER THINK THINGS THROUGH? I HAVE A CAPE IN MY FACE AND I CAN'T SEE WHERE I'M GOING DAVE. YOU CAN'T SEE WHERE WE'RE GOING EITHER CAUSE YOU'RE FACING THE WRONG WAY. DAVE, THIS IS STUPID. DAVE! I JUST RAN INTO A WALL, FUCK YOU!"  
"H33 H33 H33 H33."  
"ok fine"  
He releases your hands and pulls up his cape. He floats down a bit in front of you, still upside-down and backwards.  
"WHY ARE YOU STILL UPSIDE DOWN? YOU'RE GOING TO GET VERY LIGHT HEADED YOU KNOW."  
"eh"  
"I CAN SEE ALL THE BLOOD RUSHING TO YOUR HEAD."  
"just makes me smarter"  
"THAT'S NOT HOW- UGH!"  
You have reached the door… and the sock is still there.  
"oh yeah hey Mayor do you know who put this sock here"  
The Mayor shakes his head.  
"i still feel like i shouldnt go in there even though i know Rose isnt in there im gonna just go to my room and yall are welcome to join me i guess"  
The Mayor makes a grabby motion at you.  
"he wants the chalk back"  
You decaptchalog the pile of chalk. He grabs it excitedly and skitters off.  
"hey wherere you going... oh ok"  
Dave is now blushing. Did… did the mayor say something? You've always had this weird feeling like Dave and the mayor actually understand each other and can hold conversations despite the mayor never making any noise. Maybe it's like how you understood your Jack, actually yeah that makes total sense, duh!  
"WHAT'D HE SAY?"  
"... something you dont need to hear"  
Dave starts floating toward his room, and you obviously follow.  
"NOW I WANT TO KNOW MORE. YOUR FACE IS SOMEHOW CLEARLY BLUSHING DESPITE THE FACT THAT ALL YOUR BLOOD ALREADY WENT TO YOUR HEAD FROM BEING UPSIDE DOWN."  
He finally flips right side up again, to your relief.  
"ugh he told me to have fun… alone with my- you in my room which is i guess what i was planning to do but he made it sound dirty like he didnt understand moirallegiance… also he mightve misgendered you the little shit"  
"YOU'RE TELLING ME THE MAYOR WAS RUDE?! HE'S THE SWEETEST AND MOST UNDERSTANDING LITTLE THING!"  
"pff lol hes an immature little bastard i love the guy but he has all the tact and impulse control of a toddler despite being like thousands of years old reminds me of John at his stupidest sometimes actually"  
Your mind is blown. Dave was right, you really didn't want to know what he said and you want to smack your past self for asking. The Mayor… misgendered you?  
"uh idk if itd make you feel better but im pretty sure there isnt a gender neutral version of what he called you and… he usually doesnt do that im sorry"  
Dave opens his door and walks in, shooting you a genuinely apologetic look. You try to think of a natural sounding segue to some other topic.  
"HEY… WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY RIGHT BEFORE TEREZI INTERRUPTED YOU?"  
"oh that… um just like ive been thinking on the topic of gender or whatever i mean you heard what Rose said about my hair right"  
"... THAT IT'S A WEIRD SHAPE? I'M NOT SURE WHAT THAT HAS TO DO WITH GENDER, THOUGH."  
"no that its long she was implying some shit there with 'at this point you must want it long' or whatever she said and as much as i hate to admit it she kinda has a point"  
"... ARE YOU SAYING IT'S…"  
You rack your thinkpan for what he could be referring to.  
"UHH…"  
You know what let's just take an educated guess based on the fact that you're discussing gender.  
"…FEMININE? I GUESS?"  
"holy hell how was it that hard to understand what i was implying there what does long hair mean for a troll"  
"HAIR LENGTH FOR TROLLS IS REALLY JUST A CHOICE BETWEEN CONVENIENCE AND ASSOCIATING YOURSELF WITH THE LIFESTYLE OF THE CONDESCE. SHE'S SAID TO HAVE HAIR AS BIG AS FIVE TROLLS."  
"thats… a lot of hair but yeah for humans long hair is fairly exclusively feminine unless you have facial hair or are in a band"  
"I WOULDN'T'VE GUESSED. ROSE HAS SHORT HAIR."  
"yeah but girls can have short hair and still be feminine plus shes a lesbian and i think that means the data might be skewed"  
You forget what a lesbian is but you don't think it's important to the conversation.  
"SO, WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO GET AT NOW THAT WE'VE CLEARED THAT UP?"  
"i… like my hair long"  
"OK."  
"ive been wondering about like… gender stuff…"  
"THAT'S ALWAYS FUN."  
"hah well i was wondering if i was sorta… like you maybe i dont know"  
"…DO YOU WANT ME TO USE NEUTRAL PRONOUNS FOR YOU?"  
"i dunno maybe… but not in front of anyone else other than the Mayor ok"  
"IT'S OKAY TO EXPERIMENT, YOU KNOW."  
"not on earth"  
"WELL YOU'RE ON A METEOR NOW, AND I SAY YOU CAN EXPERIMENT AS MUCH AS YOU WANT UNTIL YOU FIND WHAT FEELS RIGHT."  
You boop their nose because fuck suppressing impulses.  
"aw bean whyd you do that"  
"LOOK AT DAVE, I BOOPED THEIR NOSE AND NOW THEY'RE CONFUSED BY MY APPARENT LACK OF IMPULSE CONTROL!"  
"pff who are you even talking to"  
"SHOOSH, NO ONE, YOUR TURNTABLES."  
"ok ha ha"  
"YEAH, HEY DAVE'S TURNTABLES! YOUR FRIEND DAVE IS A BULGEPAN AND I SHIT DIAMONDS IN THEIR PRESENCE. THEY ARE ADORABLE, RIGHT? DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE CUTEST STUNT THEY DID EARLIER? THEY FLEW UPSIDE DOWN HOLDING ME AND THE MAYOR'S HANDS TO MAKE A DIAMOND. IT WOULD'VE BEEN PERFECT EXCEPT THEIR CAPE WAS OBSCURING MY VISION."  
"it feels weird to be plural"  
"PLURAL?"  
"yeah i mean they is plural like all of them whatever"  
"YOU JUST SAID A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORD THAN WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING."  
"what no they and they are the same word"  
"...NO THEY'RE NOT. ONE'S NEUTRAL SINGULAR AND ONE'S PLURAL."  
"i literally just said the same word twice"  
"UH, NO YOU DIDN'T."  
"what the fuck bean... wait have we been getting translated by my gift of gab this entire time?!"  
Dave looks like they just got their mind blown.  
"YOUR WHAT?"  
"my gift of gab its a perk of being godtier you get automatic universal translation i thought alternian just happened to sound exactly like english cause you can read and write in english just fine"  
"I DID FIND IT STRANGE THAT YOU WROTE IN SIMPLIFIED STANDARD ALTERNIAN BUT SPOKE FLUENT COLLOQUIAL AND ARCHAIC ALTERNIAN."  
"it seems to take into account the thought behind the word if you can hear the difference between me saying they and they even though i hear the same thing that… makes me feel better actually im feeling a solid maybe on those pronouns right now"  
"ONLY MAYBE?"  
"maybes the best i got"  
"OKAY THEN ANSWER THIS SUPER IMPORTANT QUESTION… DOES THIS MAKE US *HOMOSEXUALS* LIKE EGBERT SAID HE WASN'T TO REJECT ME BACK WHEN I WAS A BOY?"  
"lollll well theres nothing sexual about our relationship now is there… but yeah totally, just a couple of moirails outside the gender binary together super gay you got it"  
"I SAW THAT EYEBROW WAGGLE AND AM CHOOSING NOT TO TRY TO INTERPRET IT."

~~~ 

You are watching an Alternian movie with Dave while lightly cuddling again. The characters are currently in a montage of pale relationship moments to show time passing in their relationship before the next bit of drama arrives.   
"whats so great about piles anyway they look kinda uncomfortable to lie on"  
"PHYSICAL COMFORT IS NOT THE POINT, IT'S ABOUT CAREFULLY ARRANGING OBJECTS THAT GIVE YOU EMOTIONAL COMFORT INTO SOMETHING YOU CAN LIE ON FOR HOURS- WITHOUT DYING I GUESS."  
"can ours have something soft where i lie down cause im fragile"  
"O-OURS? UM, I GUESS YOU COULD ADD YOUR FAVORITE CLOTH OBJECTS, BUT ONLY IF THEY ACTUALLY MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU."  
"i have a lot of clothes that ive died in does that count"  
"THAT SOUNDS KINDA MORBID AND POSSIBLY ANXIETY INDUCING. IT'S SUPPOSED TO CALM YOU DOWN, LIKE YOUR TURNTABLES."  
"putting my tables in the pile would give me anxiety"  
"YOU COULD ALCHEMIZE A COPY OR TWO."  
"ill think about it"  
They want to build a pile with you! A physical manifestation of your relationship! Anyone who walks into whatever room you build it in will know instantly that you two are committed moirails!

~~~

You hear a knock on your door. You open it.  
"YOU GOT THE STUFF?"  
"jegus could you sound a little less like were doing a drug deal"  
"SURE."  
You lower your voice and make it super scratchy.  
"(PSST! HEY YOU, YOU GOT THE STUFF?)"  
Dave cracks up at your shitty caricature, just as planned. Nothing shall stop you from extracting smiles from this kid! Mua ha ha ha! …Anyways.  
"OKAY, LET'S SEE WHAT WE'VE GOT TO WORK WITH."  
They decaptchalog three turntables, five shirts you recognize as being from their childhood, a box of records, a pile of empty aj bottles, a buttload of shades, and some fuzzy… things. You point at these last ones.  
"COULD YOU EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THOSE MAKE YOU FEEL AT EASE BECAUSE I FIND THEM VAGUELY DISTURBING."  
"the smuppets? shit theyre uhhhhh homey mmmmm you know what yeah nevermind those are going away bye"  
They captchalog the… smuppets, then decaptchalog a plush suit.  
"as far as i know i never died in this suit so yeah also does this freak you out cause i got more"  
They pull out an insect encased in plastic.  
"THAT'S FINE."  
They pull out a bunch of dead things encased in plastic. It's fine. None of them look familiar. Wait, that one looks like a spider. You will have no reminders of Vriska in your pile.  
"NOT THAT ONE, FUCKING SPIDERBITCH HAS NO PLACE HERE."  
"ok hey i have a crab too is that good"  
It kinda reminds you of crabdad, which is just what you thought was missing. You grab it to examine it closer.  
"YES! THIS ONE IS VERY GOOD, PERFECT. I WILL PLACE IT NEAR MY HEAD."  
"... cute"  
"WELL, I'VE GOT COPIES OF ALL MY FAVORITE BOOKS AND MOVIES, WHICH SHOULD WORK WELL WITH THOSE TURNTABLES TO BUILD A SOLID BASE. I'VE ALSO GOT THESE USELESS BUT CUTE PLUSH SICKLES, FLASHGRUBS WITH SOME OF MY CODING WORK ON THEM, AND CANS THAT I STOLE FROM THE CANTOWN SUPPLY. BUT MY PRIZE POSSESSION IS THIS!"  
You hold up a length of dark red fabric.  
"I… OBTAINED THIS FROM A DREAMBUBBLE. IT'S MY GODTIER CAPE!"  
"that ghost Karkat must be so sad though they worked so hard for that cape and then they died and had their cape stolen by a random dream thief"  
"WELL I'M THE ALPHA KARKAT, SO WHAT DOES IT REALLY MATTER IF I STEAL FROM A LESS IMPORTANT ME."  
It takes the two of you three hours and a lot of bickering to assemble the pile to both of your satisfactions. One of the turntables in the base is exposed as a seat with cushions made of your cape and their suit. The rest of your things are fit together in such a way that the whole thing is quite stable and can withstand some wild gesturing. As promised, the crab is near the top, next to your plush sickles and a disc that makes Dave's face go soft and happy. You insisted they take the discs out of the box and spread them out, and you saw that expression appear as they were laying them out.  
Dave is already lying in the pile, allegedly just testing out the comfort levels, but you think they're tacitly asking you to join them so you do.  
"HEY."  
"hey"  
"I'M REALLY HAPPY WITH OUR PILE. I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT WE MADE A PILE TOGETHER."  
"i know"  
"REALLY? WE'VE BEEN BICKERING ENOUGH TO LOOK LIKE BLACK SOLICITATION, WHICH IS PROBABLY WEIRD DURING SUCH A PALE ACTIVITY."  
"yeah but youve been purring quietly for over an hour"  
"OH. I… DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE."  
"hmm its cute"  
They gesture to your horns.  
"may i?"  
"YES, THANKS FOR ASKING THIS TIME."  
You settle into the crook of their neck as they begin massaging your horns. You kinda space out after that.

"bean whyre you licking my neck"  
"LLNUHH?"  
You rub your chin appreciatively against the warm person you're wrapped around and chirr.  
"oh my gog youre literally a cat i cant believe im dating a cat in the cat quadrant"  
Quadrant? Wait, did you just chirr at your moirail? You are seriously messed up. You jerk away suddenly and you feel the fuzzy edges of your thinkpan turn into a headache like you woke up from a too short nap.  
"OW. OW. MY THINKPAN. AGH."  
"shit what happened"  
"DID I FALL ASLEEP? THIS FEELS LIKE A SLEEP HANGOVER."  
"i dont know do you lick people in your sleep"  
"…OK THE PAIN'S FADING NOW. I DON'T KNOW, I'VE NEVER SLEPT *WITH* ANYONE BEFORE, THE RARE TIMES I EVEN SLEEP."  
"bean you need to sleep your eyebags are visible from the green sun even Sollux can see them from wherever she is this is important im even ignoring that accidental innuendo to stress this"  
"BUT WHAT IF SOMETHING IMPORTANT HAPPENS AND I'M SLEEPING?"  
"nothing importants gonna happen and if it does ill wake you up"  
"BUT WHAT IF YOU'RE ALSO ASLEEP?"  
"im a very light sleeper side effect of growing up with Bro anything suspicious within hearing range im up and ready to go"  
"YOU'D BE WELL ADAPTED TO ALTERNIA THEN."  
"it certainly has its uses and i bet its a lot healthier than your general avoidance of sleep"  
"IS THAT- BEFORE- WERE YOU OFFERING TO, I DON'T KNOW, PROMISE TO WARN ME OF DANGER NO MATTER WHAT OR… SOMETHING?"  
"yeah sure or like guard you while youre sleeping if thats better"  
That *is* better, but you're not sure if they actually want to be in your room basically alone for hours every day or where they'd sleep if that's how they wanted to guard you. But moirails are supposed to trust each other with stuff like this. This is a beautifully pale gesture, you'd be a fool to not accept.  
"YEAH OKAY SURE THAT'D BE NICE I GUESS… BUT WHERE WOULD YOU SLEEP?"  
"prolly on the bed I guess"  
"SO WE'D BE TOGETHER?"  
"i thought you didnt sleep in beds?"  
"WELL THERE'S NO RECUPERACOONS ON THIS METEOR TO WARD OFF DAYTERRORS SO I'M STUCK PASSING OUT ON MY CONCUPISCENT PLATFORM CAUSE IT'S BETTER THAN THE COMMUNAL LOUNGEPLANKS."  
"i could bring another mattress in here cause i dont think i can sleep with someone else in the bed"  
"THAT'S FINE AS LONG AS YOU DON'T ALSO BRING ANY OF THE MESS THAT IS YOUR ENTIRE RESPITE BLOCK ALONG WITH IT."  
"no promises yet karcrab"  
"UUUGH! NO, FUCK YOU, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE TRASH ON THE FLOOR!"  
"deal but right now lets just relax in our pile some more"  
"I'VE NEVER HEARD A BETTER IDEA IN MY LIFE."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pile scene!!! Inspiration has struck!

Dave brings their... bed into your respite block the next day, and honestly you thought it was a copy at first. Then the next time you hung out in their respite block you saw only a loungeplank in its place. Granted, sleeping on a loungeplank is not that bad, but it still showed a level of commitment that had you blinking back tears. You now spend almost no time in communal spaces with them since you have a private loungeplank block and you both basically live in there, your respite block, and Cantown. Cantown is technically not a private space, but, other than the Mayor, no one else spends much time in there. You stopped confiding in the Mayor immediately upon getting Dave in a quadrant, but you're still not quite far enough along with Dave to feel like you can drop all of your problems on them at once and you know that feeling is mutual. But holding off on your daily rants is starting to affect you so you decide to initiate your first official full-length feelings jam.  
"HEY DIPSHIT OF MY DREAMS, WANNA MAKE LIKE FRUIT AND JAM?"  
"aw yeah i didnt know you played an instrument tho bean"  
"UH, NO I DON'T? I WAS REFERRING TO JAMS OF THE UMM FEELINGS VARIETY."  
"oh"  
"YEAH UH, I'VE BECOME KINDA DEPENDANT ON RANTING AT THE MAYOR AS STRESS RELIEF BUT IT FEELS LIKE INFIDELITY NOW THAT I HAVE A REAL MOIRAIL SOOOO…"  
"shit sure you can rant at me bean"  
"WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA JUST RANT, IT IS OUR FIRST TIME SO WE SHOULD PROBABLY DO A PRIMER ROUND OF LIKE, WHAT TO EXPECT TO COVER IN FUTURE JAMS OR SOMETHING."  
"oh well dont be offended if i cant tell you everything right away even the mayor barely knows what all is up with me"  
"I THOUGHT YOU JAMMED WITH HIM A LOT THOUGH?"  
"eh not really some things are easier to talk about than others and a lot of the time i just used the sock to avoid rose"  
"WHY WERE YOU- LET'S MOVE THIS TO THE PILE."  
"k"  
"AND YEAH, IT'S TOTALLY ALRIGHT TO HAVE TO WORK UP TO THE DEEPER STUFF. THE POINT IS COMFORT AND TRUST NOT THINKPAN SPELUNKING."  
You settle into your spot on the turntable bench facing them and they flop down next to you.  
"soooo"  
"UM, SO, WHAT'S BEEN ACTIVELY BOTHERING ME RECENTLY MOSTLY COMES OUT OF INTERACTIONS WITH VRISKA AND I GUESS GHOSTS TOO. I'VE BEEN FEELING… UNIMPORTANT LIKE, USELESS AND I DUNNO, LIKE I'M NOT FULFILLING MY POTENTIAL AS MUCH AS I SHOULD AND YET THIS IS THE ALPHA TIMELINE, I'M DESTINED TO BE THIS MUCH OF A FUCK UP."  
"you arent a fuck up though"  
"YEAH RIGHT, DID YOU SEE-"  
"bean you really did the best you could"  
"I COULD'VE-"  
"shoosh your team didnt want to be a team in the first place knights have a shit job cut out for them by their aspect as far as I can tell"  
They squeeze your shoulder and you consider what they said.  
"WELL- HMMM... MAYBE. THAT DOES SORTA CHECK OUT."  
"see"  
"STILL, HALF MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD, I SHOULD'VE PREVENTED THAT. I SHOULD STILL BE… I SHOULD STILL WANT TO BE THE LEADER."  
"what just cause your aspect nah bean let vriska focus her manipulative tendencies on our far off future and let yourself chill theres nothing to really do right now"  
"BUT WHAT IF-"  
"seriously chill no ones gonna be killing each other now that the racists are dead or locked up besides theres barely anyone here to lead and nothing to lead to vriskas got nothing to do"  
You swear you hear them mutter "except Terezi" but it's so quiet you can't tell if it was just your own thinkpan.  
"WHY WON'T YOU LET ME RANT ABOUT THIS?"  
"because ive heard all this before the sock agreement and i think you actually need to stop focusing on this theres probably a lot to unpack here about why these things bother you so much, but the actual events and situations… are in the past and i think its not healthy to always bring them up just to make yourself feel shitty so like why do you feel this way i know the situation"  
"I WAS THE LEADER, I'M RESPONSIBLE WHEN THINGS GO TO SHIT."  
"why"  
"BECAUSE I COULD HAVE DONE A BETTER JOB."  
"rhetorical how but more importantly why"  
"I HAVE TO."  
"why"  
"I NEED TO BELIEVE I COULD'VE. THAT PAST ME MADE A MISTAKE IS BETTER THAN NOT HAVING BEEN CAPABLE."  
"why"  
"I NEED TO PROVE I'M WORTH SOMETHING."  
"why"  
"BECAUSE I'M FUCKING WORTHLESS MUTANT CULLBAIT, OKAY!"  
"why"  
"WH- THERE ARE NO MORE LEVELS TO THIS! THAT'S SIMPLY A STATEMENT OF TRUTH! ARE YOU ASKING ABOUT MY MUTATION?"  
"no like why is that do you blame you or Alternian society? is this something you need to soul search about or get out of your head"  
"I… I MEAN IT'S… I WOULD'VE BEEN CULLED THE MOMENT ANYONE SAW- UH I'M… "  
… Fuck fuck fuck, you can't say it you can't you can't ugh fuck they have the same blood color as you anyway but still...  
"yo so i don't exactly show this to anyone like the list consists of mostly horrorterrors but uh"  
They raise their hand and fiddle with the arm of their shades.  
"well i kinda have a mutation too and while i dont think id be like instantly dead if anyone saw lets just say i have several reasons for wearing these"  
They pull off their shades and lower them into their lap but you only have ganderbulbs for their, well, ganderbulbs. They squint and blink at their lap for a bit before raising their gaze up to fix you with a stare eerily similar to the one you've been dreading seeing in the mirror one day. You can read their face so much clearer now, and can see the nervousness etched in there. You might be staring like an idiot. You gesture slightly frantically at nothing in particular.  
"I- THIS- ONE DAY I'LL HAVE THESE TOO."  
You see amusement flicker on.  
"what have eyes have i been wrong about troll anatomy this entire time"  
It breaks the tension enough for you to chuckle weakly as you confess your secret of your own volition for the first time.  
"NO, I MEAN THE COLOR. MY BLOOD IS EXACTLY THIS COLOR AND WHEN I'M AN ADULT THEY'LL FILL IN WITH MY BLOOD COLOR AND THEN… WE'LL MATCH I GUESS."  
"aw yeah matching eyes"  
"BUT… ON ALTERNIA… I HAD A STUPID PLAN. THAT I'D JUST TRAIN REALLY HARD AND BE SO WILDLY SUCCESSFUL AND GREAT THAT THEY'D OVERLOOK MY MUTATION WHEN THAT TIME CAME OR AT LEAST ALLOW ME TO CONTINUE HIDING IT. IT WOULDN'T HAVE WORKED, BUT IT WAS MY ONLY HOPE FOR SO LONG. AND… MY FRIENDS ARE ALSO FROM ALTERNIA. DURING THE GAME I GUESS I WANTED TO BE GREAT ENOUGH THAT THEY WOULDN'T CULL ME LIKE SOCIETY HAD TOLD THEM TO. TEREZI FIGURED IT OUT WITH HER WEIRD SMELLING COLORS THING AND SHE DIDN'T CULL ME, BUT I'M STILL AFRAID THE OTHERS WOULDN'T DO THE SAME."  
For the first time, you get to see what you'd been imagining behind the shades. Their bulbs soften with pity along with the rest of their face and make your digestion sac flip flop. Fuck, actually seeing it is so powerful. You feel the stress of the conversation melting into gushy pale feelings.  
"oh bean… that must be so stressful i guess i dont absolutely know enough about your friends to refute that but i can tell you that i would fight anyone who wanted to- to- ill protect you"  
They go to put their shades back on, but it seems more instinctive than deliberate. You don't want to go back.  
"WAIT, UM, WOULD YOU BE OKAY WITH LEAVING THOSE OFF?"  
"oh um well youd need to dim the lights so i dont get a migraine i did say i had several reasons for the shades well one of them is theyre sensitive as fuck"  
You skitter the fuck to the lightswitch, plunge the room in darkness, then hastily decaptchalogue your crabtop and let it scuttle off, casting light on a random wall and bathing the room in dusk as you plop back into the pile.  
"thanks karbabe i guess ill just"  
They captchalogue the shades and you hear a pleased rumble starting in your chest.  
"you really like this huh"  
"YEAH, IT'S… IT'S REALLY NICE TO SEE YOUR LOOKSTUBS AND LIKE, YOUR ENTIRE EXPRESSION LIKE, FUCK."  
You purr a little more clearly.  
"AND LIKE, AS A GESTURE OF TRUST AND THE FACT THAT *NO ONE* GETS TO SEE THIS… YEAH, I'M SEEING DIAMONDS RIGHT NOW."  
"hmm well people not being able to read my emotions is another reason for the shades gotta keep up that unflappable strider mystique"  
"THERE'S A DAVE OUT THERE THAT'S A FLAPBEAST, YOU'RE HARDLY UNFLAPPABLE."  
"shit ur right davesprites probably out there feeling offended by my word choice he- they- shit i have no idea if davesprites ever thought about gender uhhh"  
"DO YOU THINK… DAVESPRITE WOULD CARE IF WE WENT THE SAFEST ROUTE OF NEUTRAL PRONOUNS DUE TO OUR UNCERTAINTY RATHER THAN THEIR EXPLICIT PREFERENCE?"  
"shit i dunno i think before i got the lowdown from rosemary i wouldve like been offended by any implication i wasnt like without a doubt the manliest dude to ever grace existence and even after accepting you for a while i still kinda thought that way"  
"STILL, THEY'RE AN ALTERNATE YOU. I THINK IT'S WORTH IT IF IT MAKES YOU MORE COMFORTABLE AND WE CAN ASK THEM WHEN WE HAVE A CHANCE."  
"i dont think theyre gonna figure this out with only jade and john for company i mean unless one of them hasnt told me something you kinda were the whole reason i even thought about the possibility in the first place bean"  
"BUT… YOU WERE GROWING YOUR HAIR OUT THIS WHOLE TIME DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT WAS LIKE, A GENDER THING?"  
"well it was all super subconscious like i just didnt want a haircut and didnt think to ask why cause i thought it was like some passive aggressive game i was playing with rose about whether i would let her get close to me with fucking blades or some other bullshit"  
"BUT… ISN'T EVERYONE ALWAYS ARMED? ALSO KANAYA IS THE ONE WIELDING THE BLADE LEVERS AND SHE'S SUCH AN UNCULLING PERSON… EXCEPT I GUESS WHEN REAL SHIT'S GOING DOWN BUT I'M TALKING LITERAL BEHEMOTH LEAVINGS ON TWELFTH PERIGEE'S EVE LEVELS OF REAL SHIT."  
They twitch and their eyes widen slightly in the middle of your explanation.  
"shit youre armed right now"  
"WELL YEAH, AREN'T YOU?"  
"... yes"  
Their eyes flick over you and around the room like they're searching for something urgent.  
"DO YOU… SHOULD I DISARM FOR YOU TO FEEL COMFORTABLE? I DON'T HAVE MUCH IN THE WAY OF NATURAL DEFENCES UNLIKE MOST TROLLS SO I FEEL REALLY UNEASY ABOUT PUTTING DOWN MY STRIFE SPECIBUS, BUT IF YOU NEED ME TO DO THAT TO FEEL SAFE I CAN LIKE, PUT THE CARD DOWN WHERE YOU CAN SEE IT BUT I CAN STILL REACH IT IF IF… ANYTHING ATTACKED ME."  
"no… im finer than president obamas nationally funded state dining doilies what are you talking about"  
"*WOULD* YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE IF I DID THAT?"  
"maybe kinda but like i do trust you bean you shouldnt have to i shouldnt be uncomfortable with this"  
You eject your strife deck and place the card at your feet. It's fine, Alternia and all of its drones are gone. No one ever enters your room without knocking and even then almost never. The route is clear of dream bubbles for an estimated nother few days. There is nothing that offers even a remote possibility of danger right here right now, and if there was, Dave would defend you while you took a few seconds to reequip your specibus. It's fine. Logically. Emotionally it's not entirely fine, but seeing the slight untensing in your moirail convinces you that this was a good idea.  
"you good bean?"  
"... LOGICALLY YES. THERE ARE NO IMPERIAL DRONES OR POTENTIALLY DEADLY NEIGHBORS IN PARADOX SPACE, ALTHOUGH THAT SECOND ONE IS KINDA A STRETCH SEEING AS MY FRIENDS ARE POTENTIALLY DEADLY, JUST WITH A MUCH SMALLER PROBABILITY THAN NEIGHBORS OF DIRECTING THAT AT ME."  
"bean come on you dont gotta do this it sounds like Alternia really fucked you up"  
"NO, I'M FINE. I HAVE MY MOIRAIL WITH ME SO I'M SAFE… COULD I MAYBE GET A PAP THOUGH?"  
"sure thats like where i like pat you on the face right"  
"YEAH…"  
They pap you on the cheek and you melt a little, yeah, you're purring pretty loudly now.  
"oh wow i didn't think they actually worked like that"  
"HMMMMM YEAH PAPS ARE NIIICE…"  
They just papped you a second time for no reason but you aren't complaining.  
"i dont think they work on humans tho"  
"LLLLET ME TRY."  
You pap them. They shrug.  
"yeah it feels like you just patted me on the face it was fine i guess"  
"AWW NOO I WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO EXPERIENCE THIS TOO!"  
"well take it up with human biology yo although trolls don't seem like a very murdery species when they get high off of someone touching their face"  
"WELL, IT IS VERY USEFUL TO STOP MINDLESS RAGE, BUT IT DOESN'T REALLY WORK IF IT'S NOT FROM SOMEONE YOU TRUST, THERE'S A MENTAL COMPONENT. IT'S NOT LIKE ANYTHING TOUCHING MY FACE IS A PAP."  
"huh now i wanna figure out how it works"  
"I DON'T THINK IT'S REALLY THAT INTERESTING."  
"nah it is youre an alien bean its so awesome i wanna figure out how all of you works"  
That sounded like innuendo. You give them a weird look but some part of your thinkpan is very interested in that statement and you hate it.  
"ah shit that wasnt like sexual or anything im just i just like knowing how things work"  
"NERD."  
"you take that back"  
"NAH, YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT."  
"why you-"  
You start tickling them.  
"no hehe fuck hahaha karks stop hee i cant hahahaha"  
They try to escape but you hold them down with your walkstubs and continue for just a bit longer to prove that you can. You stop once enough protests have piled up to make you feel bad and just lie mostly on top of them. Their giggles subside as you lazily trace a prong along the seam of their sleeve, still purring contentedly.  
"this is nice"  
"YEAH."  
"lets do this again sometime"  
"DEFINITELY."  
"do you want a horn rub"  
Your rumbling increases in volume, of course you want a horn rub!  
"YES PLEASE, CAN I STROKE YOUR HAIR?"  
"sure bean"  
You nestle your face in the crook of their neck and run your prongs through their amazingly soft hair sweet jegus how do humans have such soft everything. Their prongs on your horns pull you into a stupor which you emerge from later to find they've fallen asleep. You consider moving them, but the moment you shift your weight their mutant red ganderbulbs fly open and they tense for a few seconds before relaxing again and yawning.   
"shit bean isnt it movie night?"  
"OH YEAH, LET ME GO FIND WHAT I HAD IN MIND."  
They put their shades back on and you reequip your specibus and turn the lights back on. Back to your regularly scheduled programming you guess, but now you feel a lot lighter. You covered a little bit of deep shit, but mostly the feeling comes from the knowledge that you'll be doing this again, and probably also from the cuddling. You have a moirail, and it's pretty fucking sweet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be in the same chapter as the next but that one's running a bit long so I split it.

You are in Cantown with Dave once again when Rose saunters in and addresses them.  
"So Dave, do you have any plans for the upcoming celebration?"  
Dave doesn't pause in their delicate task of constructing a brand new hivestem in the section they named New Dallas and like to draw dicks all over.  
"what celebration we havent exactly been celebrating all the random holidays like isnt it turkey day sometime around now or did that already happen"  
"Thanksgiving is behind us thankfully, I never enjoyed dealing with my mother during holidays, especially that one, so I was quite thankful for your complete lack of enthusiasm for that cache of traumatic memories. No, I was referring to the fact that December is nigh upon us according to our personal computing devices, which are our only remaining means of keeping track of units of time that have lost all meaning to anyone besides us."  
"tldr me"  
"Dave, your birthday is in a week. Are you going to plan a party or shall I?"  
They freeze for a split second, then turn around to face Rose.  
"are you actually offering me party planning privileges cause i think you and i both know how well thats going to go"  
"I suppose I would not trust you to plan a party now that you say that, but you could still make plenty of executive decisions while leaving all of the logistics to me… and Kanaya, who I confess is more than a little excited to arrange things for my party already."  
"your girlfriend is planning your party for you gayyy"  
"Like you are one to talk Mr. 'I spend all of my time with Karkat'."  
You start growling lowly even though Rose doesn't know not to gender them and Dave jerks their head up to glare at Rose.  
"okay first of all that statement was way out of line because it sure sounded like you still think- that you arent respecting their gender and secondly how dare you insinuate that im not a fucking hypocrite really how could you also Karki-at shush"  
Rose looks a bit mortified at first, then has a thoughtful air that does not bode well. You cease growling in response to the almost shoosh. Though you are still a bit put out.  
"Hmm. Well, I definitely apologize for how I phrased that regarding Karkat. I do find it interesting how your denial rests entirely on my acceptance of your self-burn almost as if you are not actually denying the implication that the two of you are dating based on the amount of time the two of you spend exclusively in each other's presence."  
"nah were just… b-beans being beans wow that phrase makes no sense with my gender substitution thing i take that-"  
"NO DAVE, BEANS BEING BEANS DESCRIBES US PERFECTLY. DON'T YOU DARE TAKE THAT BACK YOU NOOK WHIFFING PILE OF ABSOLUTE LEAVINGS."  
You have other things to say but not in front of Rose. Namely that you thought it was cute. Also you're not certain if you completely understand why Dave is denying your relationship to Rose because you don't exactly want to tell Rose yourself but didn't they kinda tell Terezi already? You scooch closer and have an executive meeting.  
"(WHY ARE WE NOT TELLING HER? NOT THAT I WANT TO.)"  
"(because i really hate her trying to pry into my feelings honestly its instinctual by now)"  
"(IT MIGHT BE MORE INTRIGUING TO HER IF WE KEEP DENYING IT THOUGH, TEREZI ALREADY KNOWS. WE'RE NOT A SECRET.)"  
"(ugh that was dumb of me but youre probably right i still dont want to)"  
"(I DON'T EITHER, BUT I'D REALLY PREFER IT TO THIS WHOLE DANCING AROUND IT THING.)"  
"(sign go ahead i guess)"  
"YEAH SO, WE BOTH REALLY HATE THIS CONVERSATION SO I'M GONNA TELL YOU WE'RE MOIRAILS AND END IT. NOW, BACK TO THE PARTY THING."  
She goes from intense interest and suspicion at all the whispering to surprise at your words. Her trademark annoyingly knowing smile curls across her lips.  
"Really? Oh my, I am happy for you two! How-"  
"IT'S REALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS BUT ALSO NOT A SECRET EITHER? WE JUST FIGURED YOU'D BE ANNOYING ABOUT IT BUT NOW I'VE RIPPED OFF THE WOUND COVERING SO YOU CAN STOP INSINUATING SHIT. WHAT WAS YOUR PARTY QUESTION AGAIN?"  
"Right, birthday parties. Do you want a hand in planning yours?"  
"eh i guess… ive never really uh i mean make all the decorations sbahj shit and play whatever shitty pop you can find i dont care about the rest now leave so i can plan a suitably ironic gift for you and give karks the dl on birthdays"  
"Alright, I will see you later."  
"later dude"  
"Hmm."  
She leaves cantown looking contemplative. Which isn't saying much for her.  
"SOOOO… BIRTHDAYS?"  
"right me and Rose are turning 14 in a few days"  
"OH! A WRIGGLING DAY. I GUESS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM MORE OFTEN… WHY IS THERE A PARTY?"  
"oh bean its this whole thing you never had birthday parties thats… sad hmm"  
"WHAT?"  
"i kinda just called myself sad there haha"  
"OH, YOU HAVEN'T DONE SOMETHING SUPPOSEDLY UNIVERSAL IN YOUR CULTURE? I GET THAT."  
"yeah but bean birthday parties with other kids is like wait i guess Jade never had that either being on that island and all hold that thought"  
"SO… WHAT DO YOU THINK ROSE IS PLANNING?"  
"some junk food probably cake music punch shitty games i dunno but i guess the point is getting everyone together to hang out and giving presents and way too much attention to the birthday bean"  
"PRESENTS… HMMMMM WOW IF YOU CELEBRATE EACH OTHER'S BIRTHDAYS SEVERAL TIMES A SWEEP YOU DEFINITELY HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THIS MORE OFTEN. WE ONLY HAD TWELFTH PERIGEE'S EVE… AND THE QUADRANT NIGHTS I GUESS IF YOU HAD QUADRANTMATES."  
"oh when are those"  
"WELL ACCORDING TO MY 'MEANINGLESS UNITS OF TIME' AS RECORDED BY MY HUSKTOP, PITCH BOTCH IS THIS PERIGEE AND, UM, WELL, SUGAR SHOOSH IS IN ABOUT FIVE PERIGEES… YOU KNOW I'VE NEVER HAD A PROPER QUADRANT ON THE PROPER QUADRANT NIGHT I FEEL NERVOUS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT."  
"shoosh bean i don't exactly have any expectations going and its pretty far in the future"  
"AAAH WHAT IF I JUST JINXED MYSELF I NEVER HAVE PROPER QUADRANTS WHAT WAS I THINKING I-"  
You are papped. You calm right the fuck down. You maybe melt a little.  
"wow i forgot how effective that is i probably shouldve asked before doing that though"  
"MMMNNEVER GOTTA ASK A MOIRAIL TO PAP THEM."  
"that doesnt sound right what if you dont want to be touched right then"  
"BUT WHEN YOU GET WORKED UP ENOUGH TO WARRANT A PAP YOU AREN'T EXACTLY RATIONAL."  
"well i dont know that you *needed* a pap just then i just really wanted to calm you down but i dunno maybe its different for you because i definitely dont melt in response to pats"  
"I WILL FIND A WAY TO MAKE YOU MELT, JUST YOU WATCH."  
Dave turns bright pink in response to your intense pile eyes.  
"oh uh oh okay you uh you do that"  
"CAN I TRY TOUCHING YOUR FACE AGAIN?"  
"sure yup go right ahead get all up in my face with your hands"  
You give them a nice long extended double pap, a move you wouldn't normally try on a troll because it's just too powerful. You stroke slowly across their cheeks until you reach their ears and let two prongs go behind each one before stroking back down along their chin line. You really wish they weren't wearing their shades for this, but you're foolishly doing this in cantown and Rose did just walk in. You let your hands drop back into your lap.  
"HOW WAS THAT?"  
"uhhhhhh wow haha that was fuck um wow i think im starting to get the mental component you mentioned cause wow the look on your face really um that was intense i wish we were in our pile right now cause i think the only reason im not currently melting is cause were in cantown like dang you sure showed me ill never doubt your papping prowess again"  
"PALE FOR YOU."  
"diamonds right back atcha sugar"  
You stare at them. Wow fuck you really liked that.  
"uh oops that just slipped right out dinnit"  
"FUCK, CAN I HUG YOU?"  
"yeah sure uh"  
You glom onto their side and rub your cheek against the side of their face repeatedly, rumbling in ecstasy. Sugar is such a pale name and they called you that by accident? What else do they call you in their mind that you don't know about? You might have a huge soft spot for petnames…  
"wow uh is this- do you- did you like being called sugar this much?"  
"MAYBE… YEAH."  
"i should let out my inner southern belle more then darling cause this is adorable and hella gratifying"  
You let out a high pitched whine into their neck at that.  
"I WILL DIE. YOU WILL CULL ME WITH MY OWN FEELINGS OVERLOADING AND EXPLODING MY THINKPAN."  
"im feeling a little bit of an overload myself now bean so um maybe you could tone down the cuddle levels to sleepy cat rather than hyper cat begging for food not that i dont appreciate it i just dont think i can handle it right now"  
You back off. You don't want to stop but you also really don't want to make them uncomfortable so you disengage to be sitting attentively next to them, still purring up a storm.  
"thanks im not really used to anyone touching me at all so like it just got to be too much i guess"  
"THAT'S FINE, I HAVEN'T REALLY GOTTEN MY FAIR SHARE OF TOUCHING EITHER, I JUST… WATCH A LOT OF ROMCOMS SO I'VE BEEN WISHING SUPER HARD FOR CUDDLES FOR A LONG TIME AND I GUESS I MIGHT BE COMING ON REALLY STRONG? SO DON'T HESITATE TO TELL ME TO BACK OFF WHEN I'M TOO MUCH."  
"you arent too much"  
"YEAH RIGHT, I'M TOO LOUD, TOO BOSSY, TOO CLINGY, TOO-"  
"no i like how loud you are i never have to guess where you are its super calming and and youre not too clingy either i like that you always want to hang out with me it makes me feel better… about myself i guess haha i dont always… im not always good company"  
You are filing that one away for later, specifically for an actual jam session in a less public place. This is already pushing the limits, but at least you're not in deep psychological trauma territory.  
"NOT GONNA TELL ME YOU LIKE MY BOSSINESS, HUH?"  
"i honestly dont see it very much like if theres a goal and a bunch of people yeah you take charge and i remember my first impression of you was bossy but like youre really not bossy one on one i dont think"  
"ARE YOU KIDDING? I TELL YOU TO DO THINGS ALL THE TIME!"  
"yeah like reasonable requests tho i dunno they make sense so i do them"  
"BUT YOU ALWAYS BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT IT."  
"eh gotta keep up the façade that i dont care about taking care of myself"  
"FETCHING ME THINGS IS NOT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF."  
"oh i guess? but you also remind me to take showers and shit i dunno getting the popcorn benefits me too yo"  
Huh. You really don't believe them that you're not bossy, but now you know that… they think you make reasonable requests? That it doesn't bother them. Yeah. That's cool.  
"WELL, SURE, WHATEVER, I'LL BELIEVE YOU. WE SHOULD STOP HAVING A MILD JAM IN A TECHNICALLY PUBLIC AREA THOUGH. MAYBE BUILD SOME MORE INFRASTRUCTURE."  
"oh shit yeah i wasnt done with that high rise"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
Accidental outing (no repercussions)  
Misgendering to avoid outing
> 
> I wrote a birthdav partv v'all, and have learned that there was a reason I was making evervone into hermits and that's because I have trouble writing Vrisrezi

You show up early to help set up the party with Kanaya.  
"WHERE'S ROSE?"  
"Oh She Is Off At The Alchemiter I Do Hope That She Does Not Alchemise Any Of Her Soporifics For Dave"  
"YEAH, I DON'T THINK DAVE WOULD APPRECIATE THAT, THEY'VE BEEN KINDA ON EDGE ABOUT IT."  
"Oh Does Dave Use Neutral Pronouns Now"  
"OH, UM, NOOO? OR LIKE, I THINK IT'S STILL A SECRET. PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE, I KINDA FORGOT JUST THEN BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THEY ESPECIALLY DON'T WANT ROSE TO KNOW BEFORE THEY'RE READY TO TELL HER SO, YEAH."  
"Alright I Will Respect Their Wishes Then"  
"THANKS KAN, YOU'RE THE BEST. I'M GLAD I SLIPPED UP IN FRONT OF YOU INSTEAD OF DURING THE PARTY, YEESH."

[carcinoGeneticist began trolling turntechGodhead]  
CG: UM, SO, I MIGHT HAVE CALLED YOU THEY IN FRONT OF KANAYA  
CG: BUT NO ONE ELSE, I SWEAR!  
CG: SHE PROMISED NOT TO TELL ANYONE, ESPECIALLY ROSE.  
TG: whoa shit i dunno how i feel about this  
TG: i know shes really good with gender shit she schoolfed me on it after all  
TG: but i hadnt really thought about telling her yet  
CG: I KNOW, I'M SO SORRY!  
CG: AT LEAST IT WASN'T ANYONE ELSE THOUGH.  
CG: I THINK THIS WAS THE BEST OUTCOME CAUSE NOW I'M ON HIGH ALERT TO NOT TELL ANYONE ELSE BY MISTAKE LIKE THAT.  
TG: i guess i forgive you  
TG: but dont do it again seriously bean  
CG: I WON'T! <>  
TG: *le sign*  
TG: <> karbabe  
TG: now go set up my bday bash  
[turntechGodhead ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist]

You turn back to Kanaya.  
"OKAY, I GOT… HIM TO FORGIVE ME. SO WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP?"  
Right, you got this. These are thei-his preferred pronouns right now, just gotta think of it that way so you don't slip again because that would upset him more in this situation than your discontinued use of pronouns he actually identifies with. You feel kinda super shitty both for outing him and for misgendering him in your pan but you have to pick one because your thinkpan-to-squawkblister filter is pretty porous.  
Kanaya and you set up the block for prime partying, which mostly means a nutritional plateau covered in addictive and unhealthy foods and a ring of sadly sopor-less sopor sacks. Rose hangs up SBAHJ comics randomly around the block. Randomly like taped literally in every terrible way possible; to plateau supports, on the ceiling, to sopor sacks, just everywhere. Dave will love it. When you finish, the party isn't scheduled to start for another fifteen minutes.  
"Oh, I know, Party hats! Do you think he would find a "birthday boy" hat sufficiently ironic or should I make it a "birthday girl" tiara for that extra echelon? Perhaps he would find that too offensive for his birthday celebration."  
"IT'S COMING FROM YOU THOUGH, SO I THINK HE'LL BE EXPECTING SOMETHING AT LEAST VAGUELY PSYCHOANALYTICAL AND ANNOYING."  
"Hmm, that is true. Well, I will see what the Alchemiter can make the quickest."  
She leaves and comes back ten minutes later with low quality colorful cones and a plastic tiara that says "b-day princess". Not long after she returns, Dave appears to find the three of you wearing the cones.  
"Happy birthday, dearest brother."  
"shit guys this is perfect i wasnt sure yall could pull off my level of irony for this but yall did good"  
"Here, wear this."  
Dave laughs at the tiara and puts it on immediately.  
"i am the prettiest b-day princess its me now fetch me snacks my knight"  
You scoff and roll your bulbs goodnaturedly while retrieving some orange triangles for him.  
"HERE, MY LIEGE, I HAVE SLAIN THE WILD ORANGE TRIANGLE BEASTS FOR YOU TO SUP ON TONIGHT."  
"very good loyal knight now you may be seated at my right hand"  
"AS YOU WISH."  
"OH MY GOG YOU TWO 4R3 N3333RDS!"  
"pffffffff they 8n't even in our league"  
"Greetings Vriska And Terezi"  
"sup"  
"Now that everyone is here, I think it is time for me to reveal my plans for this evening. I have arranged some stereotypical activities including effigy smashing, pastry consuming, and gift unveiling, however there are others that Dave could initiate if he so desires. So, without further ado, 'hit it' Kanaya."  
Kanaya apparently presses play on whatever device is connected to the sound system, because music starts playing. Really catchy music. Oh no Dave is singing along is this turning into a musical?  
"While Dave is occupied, let us create an inviting stack of offerings over here. That is, assuming everyone remembered to conceal their gifts in a receptacle."  
"DON'T WORRY, 1 H3LP3D VR1SK4 W1TH TH4T P4RT. >;]"  
"WELL NOW I'LL BE ABLE TO TELL YOURS APART BY THE DAMPNESS."  
You put down your gift and go back to Dave, who grabs your hands and starts dancing really badly with you in tow.  
"4WW!"  
"(DAVE!)"  
"that tonights gonna be a good night"  
"DAVE!"  
"that tonights gonna be a good good night"  
He pulls you in closer so that your mouth is next to his ear and vice versa.  
"ooooooo"  
"(DAVE, ISN'T THIS LIKE, PDA?)"  
"(oh honey this aint even a thing i aint pappin you in public now am i darlin)"  
"DAVE!"  
"worth it"  
You turn bright red and wiggle out of his grasp. You make use of your newfound freedom to grab a drink and mildly sulk in embarrassment by the snack plateau. Dave has moved on to annoying Rose with his dancing. Terezi seems to have found Dave's idea to be fantastic and is also dancing terribly with Vriska. You sidle up to Kanaya.  
"SO, UM…"  
"You Two Go Well Together"  
"THANKS, I COULD SAY THE SAME OF YOU AND ROSE, ASSUMING ONE OF YOU HAD ACTUALLY MADE A MOVE."  
"Oh Well Um Thanks"  
"SERIOUSLY THOUGH."  
"It Is Just So Difficult Everytime I Think I Can Do It She Ruins My Train Of Thought"  
"DO YOU THINK SHE'S DOING IT CAUSE SHE'S FLUSTERED OR IS IT JUST YOU GETTING FLUSTERED BY HER?"  
"I Am Not Certain Which It Is Perhaps Both"  
"UGH YOU'RE BOTH USELESS. I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU HAVE A GOOD PLAN FOR TOMORROW THAT INVOLVES FLIRTING VIA GIFT."  
"I Might"  
"WELL I WISH YOU SUCCESS. I SUPPOSE I'LL BE THERE TO SEE THIS HAPPEN AT THE PARTY, THOUGH. IS IT ALRIGHT IF I CHEER YOU ON?"  
"If It Goes Well I Do Not Suppose I Can Stop You However I Am Not Certain If It Will Work"  
"YEAH I GUESS BEING STRAIGHTFORWARD ISN'T ROSE'S STYLE SO YOU AREN'T GOING TO BE STRAIGHT WITH HER EITHER. *SIGN* WELL, WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS."  
"That We Will"  
Dancing continues for a couple more songs, at which point everyone is winded and slumped on sopor sacks. Dave alone seems like he could keep going.  
"so whats next"  
"I have an effigy for smashing, but I believe we should hold off on that for a moment as most of us are catching our breath. Perhaps we could move up the cake in the schedule and refuel."  
"aw yeah sugar rush where doin this man"  
"We are causing this to occur."  
Rose gets up.  
"nooo you ruined it"  
"Come, brother."  
She leads him to the last unclaimed sopor sack and forces him to sit. She then brings out a cake covered in flaming wax sticks that looks like the design on Dave's favorite shirt.  
"Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear Da-ave happy birthday to you"  
"Happy Birthday To You Happy Birthday To You Happy Birthday Dear Da-ve Happy Birthday To You"  
"Now make a wish and blow out the candles."  
Dave is still for several seconds, then suddenly inhales deeply and blows all of them out in one breath. Rose puts the cake down and hands him a weird implement that looks like a large flat spoon? Or a very round knife? Probably a knife because he starts cutting it into pieces. Really weird pieces. Either he has no idea how to cut cake or this is supposed to be ironic.  
"OHHH 1 SM3LL D3L1C1OUS C4NDY R3D 1N TH3R3!"  
"it *is* my favorite color dont act surprised"  
"SO WH4T D1D YOU W1SH FOR?"  
"It is bad luck to tell people for what you wished."  
"Come oooooooon, I've 8ot aaaaaaaall the luck anyw8, just tell us."  
"nah i take that earth superstition seriously"  
"Oooooooor you just found an easy way out of tellin8 us."  
"fine i wished for unlimited aj this year"  
"TH4T T4ST3S L1K3 D3C31T, PLUS YOU 4LR34DY H4V3 TH4T. 4LSO TH1S C4K3 1S D3L1C1OUS!"  
"ugh no yall dont actually wanna know its super sappy"  
"Is it a8out Karkat then?"  
"partially ok fine i just wished that wed all get along and become… good friends on this three year journey"  
"WH4T W4S TH3 P4US3 4BOUT?"  
"... family like a big happy family okay is that sappy enough for yall"  
"4WWWWWWWW!"  
"Gross th8 w8s way too s8ppy."  
"Well I am already your sister, so I suppose that dream is not too far off."  
"im expecting you to bring in at least one inlaw and i swear to gog it better be soon yallre driving me crazy"  
"We- we are not getting married!"  
Dave fixes her with a look that clearly says "you know what i meant" without the use of ganderbulbs.  
"AM I PART OF YOUR HUMAN FAMILY THING YET?"  
"youre the inlaw im bringing into the fam"  
Rose snorts and you really wish you had a better handle on earth family terminology. You… have a guess though. That was really sappy if you're right. Eh, only the humans will know if you mess this up.  
"ARE WE- ARE *WE* GETTING MARRIED?"  
Rose spews cake crumbs out of her mouth and starts laughing. Dave looks embarrassed and has a blush going down his neck. You still don't quite know what you said.  
"uh so Terezi! howre things going with you and Vriska"  
"NOT 4S 3MB4RR4SS1NGLY 4S W1TH TH3 R3ST OF YOU!"  
"Of course not, I'm involved, not these pathetic wri88lers."  
"1 DUNNO, WH3N 1-"  
"So! 8ffi8y sm8shin8 you s8!"  
Great, now everyone's embarrassed.  
"ROSE STOP CHOKING ON CAKE AND HELP VRISKA WITH HER SUBJECT CHANGE!"  
"I Believe I Could Fill In For Rose In This Instance As I Also Know The Location Of The Effigy"  
"just to be clear you mean piñata when you say effigy right"  
Rose takes a moment to compose herself.  
"Yes, of course."  
"good cause like thats a cultural thing i actually know about i dunno if its actually mine tho what ethnicity are we even"  
"I believe it is probable, since we came from slime and paradoxes, that we are composed of a semi-random assortment of genes from no particular region of our now extinct world and that we have a duty to preserve as much of human culture as we can remember. I say semi-random as I find it highly unlikely that a random sampling would create two out of four of the parents with albinism and recombine those."  
"i no longer have any questions you preempted all of them also sweet piñata bro"  
Kanaya has returned wielding a smug looking three dimensional Sweet Bro which you desperately want to smash.  
"Now, the tradition I am familiar with involves a blindfold and dizziness so clearly Terezi is at a distinct advantage. I propose we give her a few extra spins."  
"1 SUPPOS3 TH4T S33MS F41R"  
"Alright, since we are all quite powerful I made the piñata extra durable and we shall all have to use this foam bat which is none of our specibi. Let the turn-based smashing commence."  
The activity is hilarious to watch and very satisfying when you manage to get in a solid hit. To no one's surprise, Terezi is very accurate. So are Rose and Kanaya, but everyone has the same unsaid thought that their classpects give them an unfair advantage. Vriska takes each of her misses as a personal offense (they kinda were since everyone who held the effigy for her made it move a lot), and when she finally hits it, the pent up force of her frustrated flailings makes it explode in a shower of pulverized candy.  
"Hahahahahahahaha! I won! Suck it l8sers!"  
Everyone instinctively rushes to collect the candy, pulverized or not, and the scramble results in a few bruises and arguments. Afterwards, you disperse back to the snack plateau and the sopor sacks. You notice Terezi talking to Kanaya, but tune in to the humans next to you.  
"haha i feel like a five year old thanks for setting all this up Rose"  
"You are quite welcome, brother dearest. I must say, I am also glad to be able to have this experience with friends for once."  
"oh you never…"  
"No. My mother always threw me lavish parties with no guests. It was…"  
"yeah i get it i got mind games for my birthday every year too"  
You are distinctly aware in this moment that Dave and Rose have been friends for years while growing up on the same planet and actually have a lot in common. You wonder if you got in the middle of their future moirallegiance then remember that they wouldn't know if they were headed toward one without you trolls. These thoughts make you uncomfortable as they smile in understanding at each other and Rose bumps Dave's outstretched fist.  
"siblings"  
"Siblings."  
Then Rose goes and hugs them and you struggle to not look crestfallen as they reciprocate. Rose seemingly notices your expression.  
"I remember the first time I hugged you, you were so stiff, but now you actually hug back. I think your relationship with Karkat has been very good for you and I hope it continues."  
"aw shit sisterly approval imma tear up hey Karkittles come make this a group hug"  
Why were you feeling jealous again? Dave has pulled you into the hug and Rose clearly has no designs for Dave's diamond. Suddenly you are crushed under the weight of three additional people.  
"4WWW Y34H!"  
"8gh Rezi, let me go!"  
"I Apologise For Our Weight However We Could Not Resist An Overly Large Hug Puddle"  
"YOU'RE CRUSHING ME, GET OFF!"  
"And that is the reason group hugs are always so short lived."  
"i am permanently renaming them overly large hug puddles humans have lost naming rights to this phenomenon"  
"Well I suppose now is as good a time as any for-"  
"omg i love this song with so many layers of irony its not even funny"  
"WH4T YOU W3R3 4BOUT TO SAY W4S CL34RLY D4NC3 BR34K!"  
Once again, the catchy background music ensnares everyone in the claws of dancing stupidly. This time, the mayor joins the fray from wherever he was. Apparently the party didn't interest him when he was invited, but he clearly did not realise there would be silly dancing then. Dancing continues for a while, though the less athletic among you drop out and just chat at the snack plateau. It's nice, maybe you should spend more time in the communal blocks. They are your friends after all, and even though things got complicated, you don't want to take your past romantic frustration out on your friendships. Terezi's moved on, and so have you.   
"1S D4V3 GO1NG TO R3V34L TH3 G1FTS SOON?"  
"That is what I was going to suggest before the dancing started."  
"H3Y D4V3, COM3 R3V34L YOUR G1FTS!"  
"just dance gonna be okay just dance spin that record babe just dance…"  
"I THINK HE JUST MADE IT PRETTY CLEAR THAT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WAIT TILL THE END OF THIS SONG- OH SHE'S JUST DANCING."  
"Pfft, great pun."  
After that song, apparently Dave is willing to switch activities.  
"let me guess the water damaged ones are from vriskrezi inc"  
"Y3P, H3H3H3!"  
"oh you gave me a vaguely disturbing comic about alien birthdays nice"  
"ONLY TH3 COOL3ST COM1CS FOR TH3 COOL3ST K1D!"  
"Y8u don't think 8'm the c88lest?"  
"YOU DON'T W4NT M3 TO 4NSW3R TH4T 1N FRONT OF 3V3RYON3."  
"moving on we have are these records"  
"Yes, I thou8ht you could listen to some gr8 music for once."  
"aw sweet alien music thanks Vriska hmm im not sure who the rest of these are from well this ones… is this… what is this Rose"  
"It is a hand-knit cozy for your shades."  
"..."  
"You are welcome."  
"Rose"  
"Yes?"  
"why"  
"I thought I might be able to indoctrinate you in the proper appreciation of cozies."  
"my shades dont need a cozy what does that even mean"  
"There, there, you will come to understand in time."  
"argh asking you questions is pointless, next! i see we have oh this is from Kanaya sweet designer clothing"  
Dave equips the outfit and you heartily approve. It's very similar to his godtier outfit in that it contains the same pieces, but it's got his personal symbol and color scheme and it's much more fashionable and flattering.  
"aw yeah thisd be so hard to alchemise cause godtier clothes cant be captchad you mustve put so much work into making this by hand thanks a lot Kanaya"  
"Indeed It Was My Pleasure"  
"well that means this last tiny one is from my bean crabby cat"  
"UGH IT'S SO LAME, I'M SORRY!"  
"sometimes great things come in tiny packages like you for example"  
"HEY!"  
"lol ok so its a few pieces of paper with awwww theyre task coupons KitKat you might as well have said 'my present for you is in our pile' or something equally cheesy actually now i wanna hear you say that hmm"  
"DON'T YOU DARE USE A COUPON TO MAKE ME SAY SOMETHING THAT EMBARRASSING IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, I SWEAR TO GOG!"  
"aww like i would do such a thing when there are much better uses for these when were alone"  
You feel your face heat up as all your friends smirk at you infuriatingly. This is why you hate PDA, you know no one will ever let you live it down.  
"YOU TWO 4R3 N4US34T1NGLY 4DOR4BL3 MO1R41LS 4ND 1 B3T TH1S 1SN'T 3V3N TH3 H4LF OF 1T >:]"  
"yeah well neither of us wants yall all up in our business so this is all youre gonna get"  
"U8h, I don't even care. I have much 8etter things to do."  
"(cough like Terezi cough)"  
Vriska huffs and stands up.  
"In fact I have 8etter things to do r8 now, important leaderly thin8s."  
She leaves purposefully, but not without captchalogging half the snacks first.  
"If You Do Not Mind I Have Some Finishing Touches I Would Like To Make On Rose's Gift Before Tomorrow So If You Will Excuse Me"  
"That is quite alright, the party seems to be breaking up anyway."  
You follow her gaze and notice the Mayor wandering off too. The party is formally over now, but you keep chatting for a while with the music and the snacks. You watch people leave and occasionally return to the block until you decide to call it a day and return to your respite block. You hope the coupons you made were a good idea.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uhm have some more cute shit also genderrrrr! One character has mv gender/relationship with gender, and I asked mv friends for other views on gender (but thev didn't varv verv much lol) 
> 
> If you want, comment with a metaphor that describes gender reallv well according to vou!

Rose's party is much more adult than Dave's, though you have the feeling she really enjoyed both. It's more of a communal dinner with the addition of fancy food and presents. Two parties in a row really wears down your social energy, so you leave to be by yourself once it becomes clear that once again the two girls are incapable of acting on their reciprocated red feelings. You think maybe Dave felt the same way because they don't come back to your room until after you started feeling mildly lonely again.  
"so um Kitkat i am struggling so hard right now between blowing through these coupons super quick and saving them forever idk do you have any input"  
"WELL… HONESTLY SOME OF THEM ARE THINGS I MIGHT DO MORE THAN ONCE WHEN I'VE GOTTEN MORE COMFORTABLE SUCH THAT I DON'T NEED TO SPELL IT OUT LIKE THIS, BUT I'M COMFORTABLE DOING ANY OF THEM NOW IF YOU ASK, HENCE THE COUPONS. YOU SHOULD USE THEM ON A MEDIUM SHORT TIMESCALE IDEALLY."  
"ah so these are next steps in our relationship"  
"-NOT ALL OF THEM!"  
"what your ultimate goal isnt to become my servant how dare"  
You roll your eyes.  
"I'M GLAD YOU COULD GUESS THAT MUCH CORRECTLY."  
"oh am i supposed to guess which is which"  
"IT FEELS A LITTLE EMBARRASSING TO JUST TELL YOU…"  
"im guessing you arent planning the massage and the compliments as one offs"  
"YEAH, I GUESS THAT'S A LITTLE OBVIOUS?"  
"only given what youve told me and i bet the ask any question one… yeah i can see our relationship getting there eventually"  
You see a special little smile on their face just for you and your future together and you melt a little.  
"AGH YOU'RE SO SAPPY! I'VE NEVER REALLY DONE THIS BEFORE, LIKE REALLY HAD A LONG TERM QUADRANT, BUT HERE YOU ARE BEING ALL SUAVE; TALKING ABOUT OUR FUTURE AND SHIT."  
"well i definitely havent done this before but oh bean do i like it like ive never been an optimist before but wow i can't wait to exchange dark pasts with you and cuddle shit i never knew what i was missing before cuddling with you i guess thats what touch starvation be like online friends aint no cure for that"  
"DO YOU WANT TO CUDDLE LIKE, RIGHT NOW?"  
"shit yeah karbabe come gimme somma dem snuggles"  
They make little grabby motions at you and you plunk yourself right down next to them on their concupiscent platform and immediately tangle your limbs as much as possible. You end up running your prongs through the hair falling down their neck with your face smushed into their shoulder. They fiddle with something and hold you close once music starts playing. 

You just sort of drift for a while, all of your senses taken up by Dave. Well, not taste, that'd be weird… except apparently it's something you do subconsciously when you drift off in Dave's arms because once again you are snapped back to reality in the process of doing just that.  
"i wonder if this is your instincts wanting to eat me or wash me like a kitten"  
"LL-AW SHIT, NOT AGAIN!"  
"lol i think its cute"  
"IT'S WEIRD AND GROSS, WHY WOULD YOU EVER *WANT* SOMEONE TO LICK YOU?"  
"... okay so this *entirely* separate from why i think its cute when you lick me like a cat but you do realize theres a perfectly reasonable answer to that question"  
"FUCK. GOG DAMMIT WHY WOULD YOU POINT THAT OUT, NOW I FEEL SO AWKWARD, FUCK."  
"strider brand yo gotta point out all the innuendos"  
"UGH, WHY DO I EVEN HANG OUT WITH YOU?"  
"because im irresistible… ly delicious"  
"NOOO I SWEAR I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I KEEP LICKING YOU!"  
"and thats why i think its cute and not weird and awkward"  
Stupid moirail liking you even when your stupid subconscious goes and does weird shit… yeah, you're pretty charmed. You smush your face into their chest and mumble something incoherent as your ears heat up with embarrassment.  
"haha what didnt quite catch that"  
"... PITY YOU."  
"oh ah hmm uh"  
"OH, OH, NO PRESSURE TO SAY IT BACK, SERIOUSLY."  
"it just feels kinda weird to say but maybe its cause im human and pity doesnt mean the same thing on earth so i translated it in my head to- to love i guess oh gog that word feels so weird in my mouth i dont think ive ever said it to a person before or- or heard it i guess hah thats a little fucked up never- never being told that my Bro loved me never ah fuck no eyes why would you betray me like this i thought we were friends fuck"  
They are furiously wiping away dismay fluid when you pull back to look at their face.  
"OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!"  
"shit no its not your fault i just overthought it and then overthought where that took me and then kinda realised some shit about my upbringing that was sad and now my eyes are leaking"  
You chirp at your hot mess of a moirail because they are so fucking pitiful it's ridiculous. You go to pap them, but their hands are in the way so you pull one off gently and replace it with yours.  
"SHOOSH."  
You stroke their cheek slowly and they lean into it and drop their other hand. They make a tiny, pitiful noise as you lace your fingers together with theirs and gently wipe away the anguish fluid from under their shades.  
"SHOOSH."  
They take a slow, slightly watery breath and their lips twitch into a smirk.  
"wanna *jam* casanova?"  
Only always!  
"OH FUCK YES."  
"sweet now get off so i can go piss first"  
You untangle yourselves rather quickly, you out of excitement and them out of needing the loadgaper apparently. When they leave the block, you spend a moment just riding the euphoria of being asked to jam for the first time. You then busy yourself with setting the mood just right in the block: lower the lighting, fluff the pile cushions that are really folded clothing, pose yourself in the pile like you're on the cover of one of your novels… Dave returns while you're in the middle of deciding on a pose and you end up instinctively leaning toward them like a barkbeast waiting for their superior officer.  
"someones eager"  
"AH, SORRY! I JUST-"  
"its not a bad thing sugar kinda cute though"  
They sit down in your pile with you and captchalogue their shades.  
"sooooo i had some questions and some things to say about like gender shit"  
"OH?"  
This was not the direction you thought this was going, but you're not complaining.  
"yeah like way way back when i had to ask Rose about this shit she said something that stuck with me about like gender being something you can find inside yourself if you just look but like… well i was afraid to look for a while and since i started looking i have no idea what she was talking about…"  
"I DON'T THINK THAT'S A METAPHOR THAT WORKS FOR EVERYONE TO BE HONEST. LIKE, SOMETIMES, OFTENTIMES, I CAN'T 'FIND' MY GENDER ANYWHERE. IT'S NOT AN OBJECT OR LIKE, ON A PIECE OF PAPER TITLED 'GENDER' SOMEWHERE. SOMETIMES I HAVE A SOLID IDEA OF MY GENDER, BUT USUALLY I CAN ONLY REALLY TELL THE BIGGER STUFF LIKE WHAT PRONOUNS I USE BY PROCESS OF ELIMINATION. IF I HAD TO DESCRIBE MY CURRENT STATE I'D SAY… FEMININE… ISH? I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO THINK I'M A GIRL RIGHT NOW THOUGH? I JUST HAVE A MILD DESIRE TO FEEL PRETTY?"  
"wait so it changes even within the same pronouns"  
"YEAH, I'VE BEEN BLESSED WITH AN INCONSISTENT AS FUCK GENDER THAT SOMETIMES EVEN GOES SO FAR AS TO LEAVE MY PAN ENTIRELY ON VACATION."  
"that sounds confusing as hell"  
"IT WAS FOR MANY SWEEPS, BUT I'VE MADE MY PEACE WITH IT CAUSE WORRYING ABOUT IT CAN'T STOP IT CHANGING AND BEING A VAGUE FUCK, BESIDES, I'VE GOT BIGGER ISSUES."  
"yeah i have no idea how to figure out what my gender is other than not a girl and probably not a guy"  
"MAYBE IT'S NOT THERE. I HAVE THE HARDEST TIME REALIZING WHEN MINE LEAVES CAUSE I JUST GET 404 ERRORS AND NOTHING BOTHERS ME IN QUITE THE SAME WAY. IT'S DIFFERENT FROM WHEN I FEEL VERY STRONGLY ABOUT BEING SOME VAGUE POINT BETWEEN DEFINED SPACES."  
"that would feel anticlimactic all that searching just to find nothing but 404 errors ugh i really *don't* feel strongly about being anything… just about what im not"  
You shrug.  
"SOMETIMES THAT'S WHAT GENDER IS. YOU SOUNDED LESS SURE OF YOUR DISCONNECTION FROM MASCULINITY, DO YOU THINK YOU LEAN THAT WAY?"  
"i… dunno im kinda still afraid of not being a dude even though the fact that im having this conversation and have been trying neutral pronouns means that ship has kinda sailed its still scary though"  
"WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF SPECIFICALLY? YOUR SOCIETY THAT'S DEAD BUT STILL CAPABLE OF FUCKING WITH YOUR THINKPAN? YOUR FRIENDS' REACTIONS? … YOUR BRO?"  
They sort of nod to the first two, but they freeze and fold in on themself when you mention their human lusus.  
"Bro is dead"  
"THAT CLEARLY DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS YET. I CAN'T FIX THAT FOR YOU, BUT I CAN TELL YOU HE CLEARLY FUCKED YOU UP AND I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU UNFUCK YOURSELF IN ANY WAY I CAN. I CAN TELL YOU IN REGARDS TO YOUR FRIENDS THAT CONFIDENCE, EVEN IF IT'S JUST A REALLY CONVINCING FAKE, IS KEY TO GETTING EVEN THOSE THAT DON'T UNDERSTAND TO ACCEPT YOU."  
"how do you know that your friends seem so woke about gender"  
"WELL, SURE, BUT I'VE BEEN HEMOANONYMOUS, AND WELL, REACTIONS VARIED. WARDING OFF QUESTIONS AND INSINUATIONS REQUIRED A FIRM STANCE EVEN THOUGH I WAS TERRIFIED ON THE INSIDE. THEY MOSTLY JUST LEARNED TO ACCEPT IT AND BECAME LESS AGAINST THE CONCEPT. NOT ALL OF THEM, BUT YOU'VE ONLY GOT THREE FRIENDS TO WORK WITH, AND YOU'RE A SIGNIFICANT PERCENTAGE OF THEIR FRIENDS AS WELL; THEY'LL WANT TO KEEP THAT."  
"hmm yeah but i really dont feel up to questions or like psychoanalysis i dont want to deal with that on top of my own brain already telling me im wrong"  
"... LIKE INCORRECT? OR BAD?"  
"what"  
"WHAT KIND OF WRONG ARE YOU-"  
"oh bad i guess but also like i should be incorrect"  
"WOW FUCK HUMAN SOCIETY, YOU'RE NOT WRONG! I'M NOT WRONG! SOLLUX ISN'T, OR, OR SO MANY PEOPLE, WE ARE WHO WE ARE. I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT I'D DO IF I HAD TO DEAL WITH A SYSTEM THAT TOLD ME I WAS BAD FOR MORE THAN MY CULLWORTHY BLOOD COLOR OR FOR… UHH, NEVERMIND."  
You almost blurted out your vacillation problem in front of your moirail. You really like your moirallegiance and don't want them thinking you're gonna vacillate on them even if… even if you do have some other feelings you've been keeping locked up ugh isn't this the point of feelings jams?  
"you wanna jam about it?"  
You wish you could… but you don't want them to-  
"I SAID NEVERMIND, IT'S STUPID AND WILL PROBABLY RESOLVE ITSELF."  
"okay sugar just let me know if it doesnt"  
"LET'S JUST GET BACK TO GENDER."  
"i dont know or maybe we could skip to the cuddle puddle papping part"  
"YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN, BUT ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE DONE JAMMING ABOUT IT FOR TODAY?"  
"i have some things to think about i guess but once ive fully processed everything you said ill come back to you"  
"WELL I SUPPOSE WE COULD INDULGE OURSELVES…"  
"yessss melted Karkat blanket is best blanket i should call it a Karblankat fuck thats a great idea imma call you that from now on"  
Ugh how do they manage to sound so stupid yet adorably romantic at the same time. It's a talent. Or maybe it says something about you that you can have both reactions at once.  
“CAN I TRY PAPPING YOU LIKE I DID IN CANTOWN AGAIN? SEE IF I CAN MAKE YOU MELT WITH ME?”  
“you are more than welcome to try that again”  
You shift slightly in order to get both your hands on their face. You start sliding your prongs over their cheeks and remember how important mood had been to them last time. You fix them with your best pile eyes and decide to hand out some sappy compliments.  
"YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL,"  
You smooth over their cheeks.  
"PERFECT,"  
You bring your prongs to either side of their ears and cup their face.  
"NONBINARY HUMAN,"  
You stroke down their jawline, tilting their face up in order to stare into their skittish ganderbulbs.  
"AND YOU MAKE MY BLOODPUSHER PUMP WAY TOO OFTEN GIVEN HOW WEIRD MOST THINGS YOU SAY ARE."  
They look at you like you broke them, then close their eyes and swallow. You can see their throat expand and contract.  
"i- i make your kokoro go doki doki?"  
Their voice wavers but sounds small and hopeful. You assume that meant the same thing as what you just said.  
"YEAH, YOU DO."  
They inhale shakily and relax into you on the exhale.  
"you make my kokoro go doki doki too darling"  
They reach up and stroke your cheek gently, reducing you to a floppy pile of happy moirails. You lose track of time again as you sort of lazily pap at each other through the haze of your continuous purring.

**Author's Note:**

> I have written chapter ten and have plans for the intermediate chapters ~^v^~
> 
> EDIT: quarantine has not improved my productivity bc online classes are asses haha that rhymes im not ok   
also my main muses for this fic have left me (gender and cuddlebuddies) so im really running on empty lol i have so much written but its all half-finished scenes im sorry
> 
> I am also starting a potential sequel focusing on June and also maybe one on Jade, we'll see


End file.
